Going Through Changes
by Patsanatomy
Summary: Castle wakes up feeling empty and lonely, he can't keep waiting forever for Beckett. Rated T for language; it will eventually change to M. Set in mid season four, although Josh is still around.
1. Chapter 1

**Ok, here I go: Please be gentle. English it's not my first language and this is the first time a write a story of any kind, even in my native language.**

**I will try to improve my grammar, really, but first I would like to know your opinion about this story, which I hope is readable. It it's not as shitty as I think, I will continue, if not, I will invest my time in something useful :)**

**Disclaimer: I, obviously, don't own Castle.**

* * *

He woke up early that morning, he had barely slept during the night and still, he was full awake now. Nothing had really changed since yesterday: he had gone to the crime scene when Beckett called and they solved the murder together, as they always did, doing a perfect team work. Then she gave him a ride home and that was it.

However, he did feel different. He realised he was alone.

Richard Castle was not a man meant to be alone, two marriages and uncountable relationships proved that. Alexis had gone to college, Martha was living with Chet and except for his poker nights, the loft was empty, and so was he.

The sunlight was trying to break through the curtains.

He sleepily moved to turn off the alarm before it started ringing and he turned again to lay on his back, staring at the ceiling. He reached out and touched the cold pillow beside him.

Since his breakup with Gina months ago he had not been with anyone. He had not wanted to. He had promised himself that he would wait for Kate. But he made that promise two years ago and Beckett was now in a relationship with Josh. Even having endured the relationship with Demming, the situation was different this time. How could he compete with Mr. Perfect? He was a fucking surgeon, good looking, owner of a huge motorbike and she...She loved him. She was probably waking up with him. Maybe they'll have morning sex. Ew. With the thought of Dr. Motorcycle touching his beloved muse, he got out of bed and went to the bathroom to take a shower.

What was he doing with his life? He had been following Beckett around like a lovesick puppy, and even though he had gotten closer to her, her friendship would never be enough for him. He wanted someone to share his life with. And Kate Beckett was purely platonic, she only wanted him as a friend and if he couldn't deal with it...Then...

With the water falling in cascade down his shoulder he made a decision.

He had to move one, really move on. Not with Gina, not with any more bimbos. He was willing to find a true woman who made him feel like Beckett, but loving him back.

When he got out of the shower, he grabbed a towel and tied it to his wait. He cleaned the mirror and saw his reflection.

He was a ruggedly handsome man in his late thirties that kept his body in good shape, well defined and tanned. His face didn't have many sings of aging and still his deep blue eyes were missing something. He needed a change.

He touched his face and felt the stubble. He decided then that he was going to keep it instead of shaving it. That will be the first step of his metamorphosis.

It gave him a casual hint and made him look tougher, he thought.

He made his way to his bedroom. He opened the curtains and went to his closet to get prepared for the day.

Since he met Beckett he had been dressing up to impress her. Today was going to be different; he was going to impress no one but himself.

He removed the towel and put on his favorite black boxers. Then, instead of the usual slacks, he grabbed a pair of dark jeans and a white shirt.

When he was fully dressed he looked at the clock. It was early, 7.30. He sat on the couch and thought about what would be his next move. If he wanted to really change, to get over Beckett, being around her all the time sure wasn't going to help...

He had to stop following her. He had to leave the precinct.

She would be there now, so he grabbed his coat and car keys and made his way to the Twelfth to talk to her.

* * *

Kate Beckett was sitting at her desk doing paperwork. When she finished with a pile, she got up from her chair and went to the break room to take a coffee, since Castle won't arrive until 9 with her breakfast.

She was on her way to her desk, taking a sip of her coffee when she heard the elevator ding on the floor and she looked up to see who was there at 7.45 in the morning. There were rarely more than two or three detectives on the floor until 8.30.

The elevator doors opened and she nearly choked on her coffee when she saw Castle going out. He looked... different, hotter?. He was wearing jeans today. He hadn't shaved and his brown silky hair was wet from shower. Bear claw and coffee in one hand and his coat on the other, he made his way towards her. She swallowed hard.

"Morning Detective" he said dryly, leaving her breakfast on her desk.

"Morning" she mused, still surprised by his appearance at that hour and his newly founded hotness. She found it difficult to have him around and not jump into him on a daily basis. Now she was making her best effort to not rip his white shirt off and devour his mouth until they couldn't breath and follow the scent of his cologne down his chest... Wah. Katie, not going there. But he smelled and looked amazing, in any case.

She forced herself to think of Josh.

She sat down on her chair and waited for him to take his usual spot beside her and explain her why he was here.

As if he were reading her mind, he sat down and looked at her straight in the eyes. Blue meeting hazel.

"Beckett, we need to talk". And with that he lowered his eyes to the floor.

"Castle, what's going on? It's something wrong? Are you alright?" Now she was worried and wondering if he had any serious problem. Probably because she was used to deal with a childish and flirty Castle and this was new for her.

"You'll be glad to hear I won't be stalking you anymore" He joked sourly, and met her eyes again. "Kate, I have enough material to write at least 50 books and I..." He went silent. What the hell was going on? What has she done? Why was he leaving her? Her mind was full of questions but she cannot articulate a single word.

He continued. "Well, I'm leaving the precinct. I came early this morning so I could tell you before you were on call..."

She couldn't believe what she was hearing. She was hurting and her eyes were blurry. But she was an expert building walls around her, and so she did to mask what she was feeling. "Castle, What-?I-...I- I don't understand... Yesterday everything was normal…" She said.

"And everything it's still fine, really, it's OK. But I've nothing left to do here" His voice broke a little, but she already knew he was lying to her; there was no point on telling him that. If she couldn't say out loud that she wanted him here, she had no right to complain about him not telling the truth.

He had been her partner all this time just for research. He wasn't a cop. She couldn't expect him to be with her forever. And although he was her friend and she felt a lot more for him, she was with Josh, and she couldn't tell Castle that she needed him, that she cared.  
She was that selfish, and she couldn't risk their friendship when he was breaking their partnership at this moment and there was nothing left for them.

She didn't knew her feelings, she was healing and she was never certain with Castle. So she just told him "I guess you're right".

Castle was puzzled now. "Umm… Alright… C-Could you please tell Gates?" He sure was expecting her to say something different, by the look on his face. So was she, but her head always had power over her heart and Castle had the full potential of hurting her, he was too important for her.

She had been holding the tears since he said that he "was going to stop stalking her". How could he think she didn't want him there?

Oh, wait. Again, it was her fault. She never told him what a good partner he was. They've become friends but she had not let her walls down at all. She hated herself at that moment.

She turned in her chair and stared at her paperwork trying not to break in front of him. She opened her mouth to say "Sure, I'll talk with her. Goodbye Castle… Just... Call from time to time" And she hated herself more for not being able to say anything to make him stay.

Castle stood up and put his arm on the desk for support. He leaned forward to her and placed a kiss in her cheek. He brushed his mouth against her ear and whispered "Goodbye Kate, take care". With that, he leaned back and made his way to the elevator.

When she heard the doors closing, she ran to the bathroom and let the tears fall. Half an hour later, she forced herself to calm down and not think about it, just work.

* * *

When he reached his car he didn't know what to do with himself. He wasn't expecting her to just be OK with him going away, but he couldn't blame her either. He tried to rationalize her behavior… he wasn't really a cop, and they were friends, so she was probably better knowing he wasn't in danger. He kept telling himself that while he turned on the engine of his car.

He drove to nowhere in particular. He would need something to do, to keep him busy, so he decided to go for the healthy way. Sport. He headed to a big gym close from the precinct and, after talking to the receptionist, he paid to get a personal trainer of kick-boxing three times a week. "That's what I need, to relieve the tension".

He had lunch by himself. At afternoon, he went shopping to get sport clothes and he returned to the gym to take his first class.

He changed and when he entered the assigned room expecting to find an enormous and muscled guy, his eyes widened.  
His "enormous and muscled" trainer was a slim woman. She probably was in her late twenties, medium height... She had her back at him and was bent, putting on her sneakers. She definitely had a nice ass. She must have heard the door opening. So she turned around and looked at him. She had blond short hair, soft factions, and intense clear-blue eyes. She was wearing tight grey leggings down her legs 'til her calves, a sport bra covering her firm breasts and Castle couldn't quit staring at her flat stomach. She was holding a pair of combat gloves and, with a white and wide smile; she offered her free hand to him to salute him.

"Hey! You must be Mr. Castle! My name is Hannah, I'm your assigned personal trainer" he was speechless, so he just shook her hand. The woman was certainly stunning. He finally coughed and found his voice somewhere in his throat.

"It's nice to meet you, Hannah. Call me Rick, please". His old playboy self was tempted to wink at her, but it would have been too soon, for either of them, and he wasn't that guy anymore. So he just smiled.

"Sure I will" She smiled back.

They shared basic information, mostly about Castle's previous experiences in other sports but also about personal stuff. She was indeed in her late twenties, 28, she had studied physiotherapy, but in her search for a job, she somehow ended up as a personal trainer for kickboxing and other martial arts.

"So are you going to kick my ass or massage me 'til death? I'm confused" Castle joked, and they both laughed. They fought, they sweated and the class was over before Castle could even wonder where did his hour and a half had gone. She was already by the door frame when he turned around.

"Till' the next session, Rick" she said with a breathy voice because of the class. Then she smiled like she had done before and waved him goodbye.

Castle stood there with his hands on his knees until he recovered and went to the men lockers to take a cold shower. It was going to be interesting being an hour and a half, three times a week with this alluring kick-ass teacher.

Yes, she's stunning, and she kicks asses… Just like Kate.

"Fuck, Rick, where have you gotten into ?!" He thought. He was still picking up pieces of his heart because he fell so hard for Beckett and she wasn't even interested in him. He couldn't go through that again. He decided to focus, and see Hannah just as a potential friend so he wouldn't make the mistake of being swayed by a pretty face again.

His brain betrayed him. Because he didn't know Hannah yet, but… Kate Beckett wasn't just a pretty face. She was smart, funny, stunning, worth-trusty, enigmatic, sexy... Oh Shit. There she was again.

Kate, Kate, Kate…

He drove home and then he realised that trying to get over Beckett didn't do anything with the fact that Nikki Heat was still his responsibility, so he wrote a few chapters before he heard his phone ringing.

"Castle", he answered absent-minded.

"Hi, Castle, it's Lanie."


	2. Chapter 2

**Wow. Just wow. I thought nobody would read my story, and if anyone did, it would take time. I wanted to thank you all for the reviews, really, you have encouraged me to continue with this. Here it goes chapter two, I hope you like it!**

**Disclaimer: I still don't own Castle.**

* * *

_He_ _drove home and then he realised that trying to get over Beckett didn't do anything with the fact that Nikki Heat was still his responsibility, so he wrote a few chapters before he heard his phone ringing._

_"Castle", he answered absent-minded._

_"Hi, Castle, it's Lanie."_

* * *

Crap. He hadn't thought of Lanie at all. But, what was the need? Did she really have anything to say about this? It was his decision, and he was doing this not only for his own benefit, but for Kate's too.

"Castle?"

Or maybe he was wrong and she wasn't going to try any brain-washing. Now he was curious.

"Um. Yeah. Hello, Lanie. To what do I owe the pleasure?"

"I think we both know why I'm calling, writer-boy" He struggled, but he couldn't say where this conversation was going by the tone of Lanie's voice. He was expecting a reprimand, but she didn't sounded angry.

"Sorry, Lanie, but I really don't."

"Alright, I'll be straight, but you must be honest with me or I'll make sure that Espo and Ryan break both your legs. Is that clear?"

He swallowed hard just with the thought. "Crystal-clear".

"Good. Castle, I want to know why did you leave the precinct. What's going on with Kate?"

That was a funny question; and way too meta. What's going on with Kate? He had never had the chance to know.

He ignored his own thinking.

"What did she tell you?"

"She came to the morgue this afternoon looking... Gosh, I don't know, looking as she had skipped her morning coffee, you know, all grumpy and serious"  
She was right, he did knew. Kate Beckett without coffee was indeed a frightening creature.

She continued "I asked her where were you, she didn't even bothered to look at me and told me you were done with your research and you had left the precinct. Listen, Castle, I know my girl, she might had not say much, but it's enough, I can see she's not okay. So, tell me, why this sudden change? I thought you were waiting for her."

Her last sentence made him frown and he inhaled deeply trying to not turn his anger on Lanie.

"And how long was I supposed to wait, Lanie? It annoys me, really. I know Kate has gone through a lot and that I had to wait for her to heal then. But what about now? She's been with Josh for nearly a year!" He hadn't been able to keep his voice in a peaceful tone and Lanie was silent.

"What did you expect me to do? I'm almost forty years old, I have an all grown up daughter who is not living with me anymore. I'm all alone. I love Kate, I really do, but how much love can you give when you're getting nothing in return? Nothing at all."

He was calmed now. And he was holding back the tears. " I need to move on, I'm sick of this..."

Lanie was still silent, she wanted him to finish, so she just hummed to let him know she was listening.

"Lanie, this is temporary, I swear. I don't want her out of my life forever, but I need some distance right now." He sighed.

"Wow. I didn't knew you were feeling like that, Castle... I guess I understand your motives, I thought... I- Nevermind. Just do whatever you have to do to feel better and get your ass back to the 12th, we will miss you until then"

He had been taken a load off his shoulders knowing that at least Lanie seemed to understand his situation.

"Thanks, Lanie. I will miss you too. If you talk to Kate and she seems unhappy, tell her to focus on her job and Josh and not think about this, I know he's a good guy, though I wish he weren't."

"I know...and don't worry, I'll make sure she's fine" She was shocked with this side of Castle.

"Er...I have to go" Not really, but he was tired of talking about his situation with Kate. "I guess I'll see you around, Lanie"

"I hope so. Be careful, writer-boy" She said.

Castle hung up and reached out to close his laptop. He had had enough of Beckett and Nikki for today.

He stretched out on the chair and noticed that he had sore muscles from his training with Hannah. He went to the kitchen to take a pill, and made an omelet for dinner.

An hour later he went to bed, hoping he could get some sleep to feel better tomorrow.

Why was he always doubting of himself? Of course he would feel better tomorrow. He had raised his beautiful and crazy smart daughter alone, he had gone through two failed marriages, he was a best selling author and had gotten there by his own credits.

Impossible had never been valid for him.

Yes, he was in love with Kate Beckett. No, she didn't loved him back. But he would survive. He always did.

With that, he fell asleep with a slight smile.

He had something at that moment that he didn't had before: the calm and the patience of someone who knows what he wants.

* * *

When he woke up he was eager to start the day.

He enjoyed his breakfast and while he was showering he realized that last night's pill had relieved the tension of his sore muscles almost completely. He relaxed in the couch for a while. He wrote a few chapters... The morning was passing quickly.

He grabbed his phone and talked with Alexis, with his mother and then with Gina to discuss when would the next deadline be.

He had some issues he had to solve with his lawyer about the documents he signed when he joined the NYPD, so they met for lunch to sort everything out.

A few hours later, Castle was bored, truly bored. He was at his loft and he had nothing left to do. He had been playing Halo on his Xbox, but even his favorite ways of killing time were plotting against him and he got stuck in the game; so he decided to change and head to the gym, even if he didn't had a class programmed for today or Hannah wasn't around, he would work out while he found something else to do. Anything would be better than thinking about Beckett.

* * *

Becket was on her way to the precinct, returning from a suspect's house. She turned left and she sighed loudly when she found herself stuck in the traffic when she was so close to the 12th.

She was tired, so she let her back press onto the car seat and her hands fall off the wheel to land on her tights. She couldn't sleep last night thinking about Castle, not even a day have passed and she already missed him. She was still wandering what could had possibly happened through his head to made all this decisions in a sudden. But she wouldn't allow herself to break for Richard Castle. She just couldn't afford to care, it would be too complicated; Josh didn't deserve that, and neither did Castle.

The large queue of cars started to move and when the car stopped again, she froze as she saw...It couldn't be, could it?- She saw HIM.

Castle was getting out of his car parked on the other side of the road, just 20 feet away. He took a bag from the back seat and headed to a building.

Quickly, she looked for a free spot and she parked. She tried, she really tried, but she just couldn't act like nothing had happened. He had left her, he had ruined their partnership. To do what? She had to know. After a couple of minutes reconsidering her options, she decided to enter the building. It was a gym. He had left her for a fucking gym? Unbelievable. She had to see him, so went out to take her bag for emergencies from the trunk and then inside again.

She went to the desk in front of her and asked the receptionist for a one-day-trial. She filled a sheet with her information and made her way to the women lockers.

It had been half an hour or so since she had seen Castle in the street, so she supposed that he was already doing whatever it is that Richard Castle does in a gym, and the chances of getting caught spying on him were minimal. She was opening the door to get inside the women's locker room when a blond woman happened to be going out of them. They nearly stumble. "Sorry" said the blond, giving Beckett an apologetic smile. She nodded and closed the door behind her. Leaning on it with her back. That's when she heard footsteps in the hallway and then the blond's voice again.

"Rick! What are you doing here? I though I wouldn't see you until tomorrow!" Rick? Rick like..- Rick Castle?

"Hi Hannah!" Yep. Richard Alexander Castle. No doubt. Beckett could imagine the stupid blond blushing with the sound of her name coming out of his lips. Ok, not going there; this is nonsense and the poor girl has nothing to do with the problems between me and Castle. He continued talking, breathing with effort "I decided I could work out a little even if you weren't around. I've been running in the treadmill for a while. My stamina is not what it used to be" The blond laughed at that.

Katie, focus, control your jealousy. Breathe.

"I highly doubt that, Rick" the blond said teasingly.

Castle coughed loudly and Beckett lost it in that moment. She punched the door with her fist making a loud noise. Then she went in one of the bathrooms and sat on the toilet, not knowing how to feel. She put her elbows on her knees and supported her head with her hands.

She wasn't angry, well, her partner wasn't her partner anymore, and he didn't even explained himself properly, so she was a little upset. But she knew she wasn't being fair, she knew why he had left, she had heard him that day at the cemetery and every single time he brought up the topic she had denied remembering any moment of the shooting.

If she wasn't as selfish as she was, she maybe could understand why he was here. But why the fuck was SHE here? Castle had left, she didn't had the need of confronting things she wasn't ready to, she was in a relationship with Josh and she loved her job.

So... Why was she locked in a bathroom in his gym? Why had she felt the urge to get inside in the first place? That, she didn't knew. Hearing the woman outside flirting with Castle wasn't making it easier for her to ponder, so she waited until the voices stopped and she heard footsteps fainting to grab her bag and head to her car again.

* * *

He had made a little conversation with Hannah before she said she had to go and he headed to the men's lockers to step into the shower of the gym.

He was wearing a pair of black jeans and a blue shirt with the sleeves rolled up. When he was prepared, he went out.

He was closing a door of his car after leaving the bag on the backseat. He had turned around to open the driver's door to step in, when a hand stopped him, touching his shoulder to claim his attention. He jerked by surprise, turned around and grabbed the hand by instinct. Said hand was smooth, and pale. He lifted his head and saw Hannah in front of him, smiling in a way that he was getting to know better.

* * *

**I know this was short, but I was having trouble deciding what to do with Kate. **

**I will continue when I feel inspired. (You know what's inspiring? REVIEWS!) :D**


	3. Chapter 3

_He was closing a door of his car after leaving the bag on the backseat. _  
_He had turned around to open the driver's door to step in, when a hand stopped him, touching his shoulder to claim his attention. _  
_He jerked by surprise, turned around and grabbed the hand by instinct. _  
_Said hand was smooth, and pale. He lifted his head and saw Hannah in front of him, smiling in a way that he was getting to know better._

* * *

He dropped her hand, which he was holding, to avoid uncomfortable situations and allowed himself to take a look at her from toes to head.

She was wearing a pair of brown heeled ankle boots, tight blue jeans, a white loose v-neck tee with some letters he wasn't able to read right now, and a thin leather jacket of the same color as the boots.  
Her face wasn't covered with any make up but a slight dark eye shadow that emphasized her light-blue eyes. She was still smiling, and Castle noticed a hint of gloss on her lips too; her mouth had a perfect cupid's bow and the color of her lips made contrast with her pale face. Her short blond hair seemed silky and it had a lighter tone in some strands of her slight side bang.

He was astonished.  
He would have said she was a type of girl with a much more aggressive look, after all, she could break a nose with a high punt in less than a blink and that made her dangerous. But, somehow, she looked delicate and fragile out of the ring; she was sweet.

His staring was lasting a lot longer than he thought and Hannah cleared her throat.  
"Hi, Rick".  
"E-Yeah. Hi back. What are you doing here yet? I thought you had already left"  
"I did, but I forgot my bag in the hall when I was talking to Alicia, the receptionist" She shook the bag on her shoulder with her hand to show him.  
"I see..."  
He didn't knew her, but she seemed someone worth to know; so after a moment of hesitation, when she was about to turn around, Castle talked again.  
"Hannah, do you need a ride somewhere? I was heading home and I don't have anything else to do." He was touching wood on his head.  
Her eyes widened in surprise  
"Wow, Rick... Well, thank you, really... but I-" Castle stopped her. "Oh. Of course, you have plans..." He was begging the earth to swallow him at that moment.

_"Ricky, of course she's taken! Have you seen her? Relax. It doesn't matter, it was worth the try._" He thought.

He was going to say something else when she interrupted him.  
"I have nothing else to do either. I was going to say that I was heading to a shop which isn't exactly close" She smiled. "and I'm not going to make you drive for 20 minutes just because I want to get there." She laughed then.  
Her laughter was lyrical and it was a sound Castle thought he could easily get used to.  
"Is that it? Really?" He raised his eyebrows and then sighed dramatically. "Hannah, I would be more than pleased to give you that ride, even if it takes a little longer than I thought. Give me your bag, I'll put it on the back seat and then we can go wherever you want"  
She gave him and smile from ear to ear, then reached out and touched his arm and squeezed.  
"Thanks, Rick, it's very kind of you".  
He smiled shyly and observed her as she turned around and made her way to the passenger's door; then he jumped into the car.  
When they were settled, she gave him the direction of the shop and he put it on the gps data.

_Yeah, going to the gym this afternoon had been definitely a good idea._

* * *

When they were on the road, he turned on the music player. The car was suddenly filled with the soft chords and notes of _Sigur Ros_ through the speakers.  
"I can't believe that best selling author Richard Castle actually listens to this kind of music. You write murders for a living and you like _Hoppípola_? That's so conflicting!" Hannah joked.  
He looked at her for a moment before focusing his gaze on the road again, feeling Hannah's eyes on him; then he sighed loudly.  
"First of all... I wasn't aware that you were fond of the genre. That's good. And...I really do not know how much credibility you give to the tabloids, but my fame precedes me, I'm not like they say and I want to make sure you know that, I'm tired of people's prejudices towards me. _"Richard Castle, the playboy writer", _hilarious." He said that with a funny voice.  
He realized then that maybe he had said too much, after all he barely knew her, but he had felt the need of telling her at that moment.  
Hannah had something that made him willingly open at her.  
"By the way, I think that being a mystery writer is precisely the reason why I listen this from time to time, I need to balance the bloody details of the murders with peaceful songs" He joked. "It keeps me sane". Then he lowered the music until it was at an atmosphere volume.

"First of all..." She started, repeating what he had said. "Yes, I do like the genre, but I don't have much time to read. And, about the other thing... You don't have to worry about that, I won't judge you. Don't ask me why, Rick, but I think I already knew that you were different when we met" Castle opened his mouth to say something, but she stopped him. "I know it sounds crazy, because we met yesterday".  
She blushed.  
"Not at all. Please, continue, I want to know what made you think that. Not that I'm not glad, but still..."  
"I can't tell, really, it's hard to explain. I-I... I can see through people, you know? If I'm comfortable with someone or I feel like I can trust them, I just do it. I've never been wrong in this aspect" She said. She must be expecting him to doubt about her 'gift' or something like that, because she seemed surprised when he talked.  
"Really? I find this very interesting. I guess it's because I'm usually right when I have a hunch, too"  
They were interrupted by the GPS's voice saying that they had reached their destination. Before stepping out of the car, he realised what she had really meant.  
"Does that mean that you felt like that when we met? You feel comfortable with me?"  
She smiled and nodded. He felt a tingling in his stomach and self high-fived in his head.

They walked towards the shop, and when they were crossing the door frame he realized that they were at a music store. "A music shop, uh?" She smirked at his surprised face.  
"Yes, I need a piano wire to tune it up" She walked between the shelves looking for what she said she needed and he simply followed her until she found it.  
She picked up the wire and headed to the cash, where an old man smiled at her and made his way around the table to rub her back .  
"Hannah! How nice to see you! How is it going?"  
Castle stood beside her in silence. The man must be some family friend.  
"I'm good Carl, thanks for asking. I'm glad to see you're doing fine as well! I'm taking another wire, the last wasn't very successful" They both laughed.  
"It's ok, sweetie, it happens sometimes when you tune it by yourself. It will be 18 $; Are you paying now or should I note it down for the next day?"  
When she was reaching for her wallet Castle grabbed her wrist. "Let me", he said.  
Before she could start complaining, Castle have handed the man the money and smiled at him. The old man smiled back, watching him with curiosity.

"Rick, what are you doing? I can take care of my own bills" She whined.  
"I know, but I wanted" She was about to open her mouth to keep pouting when Carl talked.  
"Honey, don't take it bad, it was a very kind gesture!. Have a nice day you both, and, Hannah, say hello to Rachel and Tom for me, would you?"  
_They must be her parents_, he thought.  
"Sure, Carl! See you soon" She gave him a short hug and Castle said goodbye.

* * *

They were on the car again, fastening their seat belts.  
"I think I should, but I just can't be upset with you for paying, because Carl was right, it was really kind of you. Thanks, Rick"  
"You don't have to thank me; I can't help it, I'm a gentleman" She smirked at that.  
"Oh, no, then you must keep up the chivalry, because I'm paying you back"  
"Don't even try, I won't accept your money"  
He was serious. Castle turned on the engine of the car and the music player was still in a low volume, now playing "You give me something" by James Morrison.  
"Well, then, would you have a drink with me and let me return the favor by paying yours?" He looked at her. She was biting his lower lip, obviously worried about a possible reject. Who would say 'no' to that  
beautiful woman?  
"I'd love to, but since I own a bar, neither of us will be paying anything tonight" He smiled proudly, since he had won the 'argument' and a date with Hannah.  
She pursed her lips together thinking about it. "Don't think you'll get away with it, I will pay you back". Castle laughed. "Yeah, good luck with that"

At the Old Haunt, they sat in Castle's usual booth. He went to the bar and grabbed two beers. Castle put them both on the table and she took a sip of hers.  
"So" he said, looking at her in the eyes. "I think you know way more about me that I know about you; It's not fair" She smiled.  
"Hum...There's nothing interesting. I'd say that my life is quite ordinary"  
"I don't buy it, there must be something..." He wondered for a moment and then talked again. "Drunk stories! Everybody has drunk stories! Have you ever been arrested or get tattooed when you were drunk?"  
"Is the voice of experience what I hear?" She asked with laughter.  
"Could be, I'll tell you if you tell me" He said teasingly.  
"Ok, I've never been arrested and I did get tattooed, but I wasn't drunk; I did it because I wanted to" She said  
"Could it be shown?" He said, with the eagerness of a kid at Christmas.  
"Not at all" She laughed. "But I'll tell you that it's a Maori feather and it's on my upper rib cage"  
His jaw dropped with the visual and his breath was caught.  
"Your turn! What did you do that it's so horrible?" When he was able to articulate again, he smiled and he talked.  
"Well, I'll only tell you that a horse was involved and that it was spring"  
She was amusingly confused, and she laughed hard.

They finished their beers and Castle went for another two. When he came back, he felt the urge to ask her about her hobbies.  
"You play the piano, don't you?" He really wanted to know, she was a riddle he was willing to solve. He took a long sip of his beer and stared at her again, who had done the same.  
"Yes, I play the piano. In fact, since I was 6. My parents own a conservatory, so music has been a constant in my life. I also play the guitar, but I prefer the piano; while studying physiotherapy I realized I had to take care of my hands, and the guitar makes the fingers harsh" She explained.  
"Wow, the piano and the guitar? And I can barely play the flute!" He joked and her laughter was loud. "Do you have any other hobbies?"  
"Aside from sport, which you already knew, not really. What about you? You're a writer, but weren't you following an NYPD officer? Or that's what I read in Page Six"

Shit. He wasn't expecting this topic at all, at least not so soon. What should he say? Well, since he was seeking a truthful woman, it was fair to go for the truth, wasn't it?  
"M... Not anymore. I left a few days ago, things weren't going as I thought they would" His voice was serious and he was sure that she regretted bringing up the topic by the look on her face.  
"Can I ask you why? If you say no I would totally understand" She asked with concern.  
"Are you sure you want to know?" Talking about relationships that didn't work wasn't the best way to woo a woman, Castle was certain of that.

"Only if you want to tell me" She run a hand through her hair and then rested her chin on her hand while he wondered how to sum it up.  
"I started following this NYPD detective for research four years ago. After a year, I realized that it wasn't for the books anymore but for her. Since then, I only fell harder and harder, and she wasn't even interested in me, so you can imagine the rest; I was getting hurt, so when I couldn't stand it anymore, I left" He confessed.  
She looked at him with comprehension and reached out to touch his hand. "It must have been hard for you, Rick. I'm sorry you had gone through that"  
"It was, but now I'm much better. Thank you, Hannah" He squeezed the hand she had put on his.  
After a minute, she retired her hand to take another sip of her beer.  
"Have you gone through something similar?" He asked, before taking a sip of his.  
"Just once, fortunately. I know you've divorced twice and you raised your daughter alone, so I can't really compare my situation with yours"  
She was by far more informed than he thought; but it was better this way  
"I think that each person feels in a different way, so I wouldn't say that. But, hey!, we've both survived. We should drink to that, to keep surviving, shouldn't we?" He said, to enlighten the mood.  
She laughed and nodded and they both raised their beers. "Cheers!"

It was around 9 when she said she had to go and she gave him her number, even though they would see each other tomorrow at the gym. He drove her home and they parted with a hug.  
Her apartment was only 10 minutes away from the loft, so he arrived quickly and took a hot shower.  
While falling into bed, he couldn't help but notice he had been grinning like an idiot since he had hugged Hannah. She fitted perfectly on his arms and her short hair made him have direct access to her soft neck. Wow. She smelled great, _"Like vanilla_", he had thought at first, but it was more like coconut; or maybe both, he didn't care at all, because it was beyond amazing.

He reached out to grab his phone from the nightstand to text her.

**"Thanks for everything, Hannah. I've had a nice time today"**

He didn't have to wait long for her reply.

**"Me too! We should repeat it another day. See you tomorrow, Rick. Goodnight"**

**"Yeah. We definitely should. Goodnight!"**

He returned his phone to the nightstand and shut the lights off. Castle didn't found any trouble sleeping that night, and that was indeed a good sign.

* * *

**Aaaaaaaaand there was chapter 3. I hope you liked it! **

**I know that I've focused a lot on Hannah in this one, but I just couldn't push Castle in a relationship with someone with the emotional capacity of a brick, so I wrote this to introduce her a little and make you know that she's a real woman who could really make a difference for Castle. **

**PD1: Again, I know I'm a grammar killer, have patience, please :) Anyway, feel free to send me a message with the mistake and I'll reedit as times as necessary.**

**PD2: Post your reviews, I'm very interested in your opinions, even if they're negative. I can handle the critiques and use them to improve. **

**THANKS, Pat.**


	4. Chapter 4

**Author's note: I made a few changes since I first posted this chapter. As I said at the author's note at the end, the timeline is a little messed up; so, to put you in situation in case you get confused: the story is set in season 4, but Josh is still with Kate. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Castle, In case you haven't noticed.**

* * *

Beckett wakes up to a trail of kisses on her neck, making her shiver. Still sleepy, she turns around and the man on her bed whispers her name while biting her earlobe. She moans and starts kissing the man's jaw, slowly making her way to his lips where she nibbles his lower lip before letting her tongue explore his mouth. Her hands gripping his tee. As the kiss had been heating up, the man had wandered with his hands the curve of her ass and was now caressing her leg until he reached her inner thigh. She was getting desperate with anticipation and couldn't help groaning. Just when he was tugging off the waistband of her pants, dragging her underwear with them, she purred: "mmm... Castle..."

He retired his hands from her, pulling her away as if his hands were burning. Kate opened her eyes for the first time, just to see why was he stopping, and her eyes widened when she saw Josh standing beside her bed, giving her a disappointed look and frowning.

Kate quickly sat up and thought about what happened in the last minutes, when she realized what she had said her mouth dropped and started mumbling.  
"Josh... I'm really sorry. I don't know what happened to me, I didn't mean to say his name, I was sleepy and..."  
Josh interrupted her.  
"Kate, stop talking, please, I need to think" He sat again, with his back at her. "What were you thinking about, Kate? Did you though.. Did you thought I was him? That's why you kissed me like that?"  
He turned his head to look at her, his eyes filled with hurt.  
Kate shook her head "No, Josh, no." She knelt and moved towards him until she was gripping his shoulders. "I-I... Josh, I don't want to screw this up. Could we please forget what I said? I wasn't even thinking..."  
Josh sighed and put a hand on his face. He remained still for a moment, before turning around and sat with a leg below himself to be able to watch her.  
"I can't forget this, Kate; for God's sake, you said his name when we were about to have sex!" Kate was holding back the tears, as she thought that he was breaking up with her and it was all her fault.  
"But I love you, so I guess we can go through this" She couldn't believe that he was forgiving her so easily after what happened.

She hugged him hard. "I'm so glad we're ok" she whispered.  
Josh hugged her back, but Kate knew that this wasn't over, he was distant, even when they were so close.

* * *

A week later, Castle was considerably better.

He had been going to the gym to take his kick-boxing lessons, and Hannah had been gladly surprised with his development, as following Beckett for research for his books had also given him some familiarity with self-defense techniques.

He had asked Hannah out once after the class, and they had a great time having dinner, laughing and knowing each other a little better. They were slowly becoming friends, with subtle innuendos from time to time.  
Castle had been focusing on Hannah, his training and his writing; but even when he was learning to dis-join the real world from his fictional one and he could write about Nikki without torturing himself, it was unavoidable to think about Kate in his spare time; after four years of being nearly 24:7 with a person, he couldn't help but miss her, and that meant remembering moments they lived together, which usually  
leaded to realize why he stood where he was at that moment, without her. He had got hurt, and was still hurting sometimes, feeling twinges on his chest as the memories of her kept coming.

In those situations, he usually dialed Hannah's number. She had the strange ability of making him forget his worries, talking about everything and nothing at a time.

.

It was Saturday, that morning he had visited Alexis on the campus and had lunch with her; Alexis seemed to notice that he was different somehow, different for good; Lanie had talked with her and  
she already knew that he had left the 12th, but she wasn't aware of the rest of the story, so Castle filled her up and told her about Hannah, not searching for approval but yet wanting  
her to know that the woman was helping him to get out of the dirt. Alexis, as expected, was enthusiastic.  
After leaving the campus, he went over Chet's to visit his mother. Around 7 pm he had taken a bath and was fully relaxed, he wasn't in the mood of going out today, so he thought about  
telling Hannah to come over to watch a film and have some take-out food.

He was unsure but yet he called her and she agreed to his surprise, so he did his victory dance and prepared everything for the night.

.

He was nervous when he heard a knock on the door. He made his way to the front door and opened it to find Hannah, smiling at him.  
"Hi Rick"  
"Hey." He took a step forward and leaned in to kiss her on the cheek. "Please, come in."  
She smiled shyly and nodded while she entered. He reached from behind and help her to get out her coat.  
"Thanks", she said at the same time she scanned the loft. He took the opportunity to look at her; she was wearing a black loose sweater, tight clear jeans and a pair of dark-grey boots.  
He noticed then that she had a birthmark on the neck: three dark spots on her clavicle that made it hard to quit looking, but he was forced to when she started talking.  
"Wow, Rick, this place is amazing! You haven't done it so bad, uh? I think my hole place could fit in your living room" She joked and he laughed with her.  
"No, I guess I don't" He headed towards the kitchen, gesturing her to follow him. "Do you want some wine before dinner?"  
"Sure" She smiled.  
He grabbed two glasses and poured wine in them. "I've ordered Italian, I hope that's fine with you"  
She laughed at his lack of confidence.  
"Of course, but Rick, would you relax please? There's no need to be nervous, I don't bite!"  
"You're right, sorry. I just want you to be comfortable" He said, staring at the floor.  
"I am" She took the glasses and made her way to the couch. He had already set the table there. She took a film of the shelve while he sat down on the couch, serving the food.  
"It smells great!" She said while she sat beside him on the couch, so their thighs were touching

"Indeed. So, what film have you decided that we will be seeing in this wonderful evening?"  
She smirked at his charm. "I thought that '_Inglourious Basterds_' would be a good option. Are you up for a little action?" She said teasingly  
He looked at her intensely. "Utterly". He stood up to take the DVD from her, brushing her hand on purpose; what made him shiver with her softness.

They ate while watching the film, exchanging comments from time to time; when they had both finished, Castle paused the movie and stood up to clean the dishes. He whined a little when she tried to help him, but ended up letting her so they could finish faster. He grabbed two bowls and put some Ben&Jerry's ice cream in them, vanilla flavored with coconut milkshake; which he had chose on purpose because it reminded him of her.

He was making his way to the couch to join her and she noticed the bowls.  
"Dessert, uh? We would have to double the effort on the next class" She laughed and reached out to take hers while he sat beside her, this time closer so their sides were fully touching.

When she tasted the ice-cream her eyes widened. "This is my favorite flavor!"

"Really? I wasn't sure but I supposed it would be" She was puzzled now, and he realized that maybe noticing those was creepy for someone who wasn't used to this level of attention.  
"I-I mean... I've noticed that your hair smells like vanilla and coconut, and I just guessed that you would like the taste as well, I'm glad I wasn't wrong. Besides, I'm becoming quite fond of this ice cream since I tried it out last week" He smirked when he caught the irony of his own statement. It was a bad metaphor of their relationship: he was becoming quite fond of her as well since he had met her.

"That's really thoughtful of you Rick! I'm surprised you had gotten to know this about me in such a short time" He could see that she was certainly gratified and he smiled at her.  
"What kind of writer would I be if I didn't put emphasis on the details?" He jokingly nudged her and grabbed the remote to play the movie before he started eating his ice cream.  
They both finished their bowls and she took them to put them on the table.

He smiled widely when she leaned back again and rested her head on his shoulder. He took the chance to put his arm around her and she didn't said anything, so he guessed it was fine with her and he kept it there.

* * *

The week had been different for Kate.

Since the incident with Josh, things were tense between them, so she had been taking shifts of other detectives to avoid going home. But it was Saturday, and she must looked as if rolled by a truck when Gates sent her home without letting her argue at all.

.

When Kate used her key to enter her apartment, she saw Josh sitting on the armchair of the living room, waiting for her. Something was wrong, if it was humanly possible that things got worse between them. She hang her coat and sat on the coffee table to be in front of him.

"Josh, what's going on?"  
He removed his gaze from the floor to look at her eyes.  
"Kate..." _Yeah. This wasn't going to end well_. "Doctors Without Borders needs people in Mozambique" She looked at him puzzled.

"So? What's the big deal Josh? You have already been in Haiti and Africa and I haven't had any problem with that, have I?" She was confused with his behavior, because they already had this conversation.  
"This is different, Kate. I don't know when I'm coming back. It could be a month, it could be three, or it could be even a year or more"  
"W-What? A year, Josh?"  
What was she supposed to say? Was he expecting her to wait him for who-knows-how long?  
"I don't know what you want me to do" He looked to the floor again.  
"I don't want you to do nothing but listen. It's just... Would you be willing to be in a long-distance relationship, Kate? I think I could do it, but..."  
She interrupted him. "But what?"  
His eyes met hers, and his voice went cold. "But, honestly, I don't think you can. I don't think you want either. And the truth is that I've been thinking that for the last week..."  
She couldn't hold her incomprehension and frustration. "What the heck, Josh? I thought we had gone through that already!"  
"I thought the same, but that was until I had to spend alone the whole week because you were working. And I know you didn't have to be there, Kate, it was me who called Gates" He said dryly.  
Busted.  
"Alright, I worked when I didn't have to, but I didn't know what else to do, you were being SO cold with me... We spend hours on the couch in complete silence, Josh, and if we talk, we talk about work. We didn't even have kissed properly since that morning..." Her frustration decided to make its way out in form of tears.

"You don't have any right to cry right now!" He yelled. "I don't talk with you because we always end up talking about him, and I don't kiss you because I can't help but think that you're thinking of him. I said that I could go through this, but I can't, Kate! I know you have feelings towards him, and I just can't stand it. I've known for a long time but the other day, when you said his name... It was just the last straw"  
He wondered for a moment before he talked again.  
"Kate, it's over."  
She stood up ran her hands through her hair nervously. "I don't understand anything at all. What makes you think that I feel anything for him? I'm with you, Josh, I already told you that it was a mistake and I just can't believe you're putting an end to us. Castle was my partner, that's all"  
Josh stood up as well, but instead of tears, his eyes were filled with anger. "I love you, Kate. But it's been a long since there's no 'us'! I'm your boyfriend, I left to Haiti for three weeks and you didn't even cared; The fucking writer leaves the precinct and you get all fussy and pissed off and it's been just a few days..."  
Kate was still looking at him, not able to talk at the moment, so she just swallowed hard at his words. He calmed down and sighed loudly.

"I'm leaving Kate, I think it's best for both of us if we end this up. When I come back, things might have changed and we can start over, if not, it's been a pleasure" He walked towards her and cup her head in his hands. He leaned in and gave her a chaste kiss on the lips. "Goodbye, Kate. I hope everything works out for you, you deserve it"  
With that, he turned around and grabbed a suitcase from the kitchen which she hadn't seen and walked towards the door, just looking back once to see a speechless Kate with tears running down her face.  
Kate couldn't articulate, she saw him closed the door and when she found the ability to move again, she went to her bedroom to lay on her bed.

Josh was right. She hadn't been truly involved in the relationship since Castle kissed her in that alley, but she wished he didn't notice it. Josh was incredible and she just couldn't love him as she wanted to, she was blocked, and she didn't knew if the reason was her mother's case, Castle's confession on the cemetery or her own stupidity, all she knew at that moment is that she was alone, that Castle had left her and so did Josh, and she was the only culprit.

She stood there, sobbing from time to time until she was able to fall asleep.

* * *

**Chapter 4! I could finally get rid off Josh, although it hasn't occurred as I thought at first. I hope you enjoyed it anyway, I would update soon :)**

**PD: I had a little trouble with the timeline, I think I will reedit this chapter sometime.**

**REVIEWS and PM's are welcome! **


	5. Chapter 5

**Author's note: As I began saying when I updated this story, this is not only the first time I write, but English isn't my first language either. I know there must be loads of grammar and drafting mistakes, so please tell me where I failed and I'll edit as soon as possible to improve the quality of the story.**

**Disclaimer : Still don't own Castle**

* * *

It was around 11.30 pm and now Castle and Hannah were chatting while the film credits scrolled down the screen.

They had been huddled at first, but they have eventually moved and they were now facing each other. His arm resting on the top of the couch and his leg bent below himself, while she had her arms around one of her knees while she talked.  
Hannah have told him a few stories of her past.

It was truth that her life wasn't out of the ordinary, but Castle was still amazed by her perspective about those ordinary things, she was the kind of person who stood out of rest because of her loyalty to her own ideas and her enthusiastic way of living.

You don't find someone like her just by chance, and he couldn't help but wonder what was her failing and why he hadn't seen it yet.  
He opted for asking her when they have finished with their current topic:  
"M.. Hannah, don't take this wrong, but I might explode if I don't ask you" She looked a little confused but nodded to let him continue and he smiled briefly at her.  
"What would you say it's your worst defect?" He said, unsure, because that might have not been the best way to bring it up;  
but he relaxed when she laughed.

"Wah...I don't know, Rick... I think it might be..." She thought for a moment. "My pride. Yes, I think it might be the worst."  
"Can I ask you why?" She nodded and started talking.  
"Nobody's perfect, and I don't want to be perfect either. I've never been a saint and as I might have been hurt, I know I've hurt others too and I haven't been able to fix it because I was too proud to admit I was wrong."  
He reached out to caress her shoulder. "Thanks for telling me, I was just curious"

She stared at him and he smiled, glad that she was so open with him.  
"What about you?" He wasn't expecting her to ask him, so he hummed and wandered for a moment , thinking about he would change of himself.  
"Well,I think that my worst defect is that I get too involved with everything I do. Sometimes it's a good thing, and I'll say that even necessary for my books, but... In my relationships, has ended being a problem. I already told you what happened with Beckett, the Detective I was following... I just can't seem to find a midpoint, I care too much or I don't care at all." He explained.

He waited for her to say something, but her mind seemed to be somewhere else.  
"Hannah" He said to claim her attention , and got a little closer. When she was back to Earth and smiled.  
"Yeah, sorry. Thanks for telling me, too"  
"Is there something wrong?" He said with concern.  
She shook her head and looked at him.  
"No! Not at all.. It's just that I didn't realized how hurt you are, even when you had already told me about the problems you had with her, with Beckett. And I should have been more attentive, Rick..."  
"What?" He gave her a warm smirk. "We met a week ago and we've become closer than I thought it was possible in such a sort time; yet you've been me helping a lot and.. Geez, I'm really thankful Hannah"

He looked at her for a moment and she seemed happy by his confession; her eyes were sparkling at his. Their staring was lasting a little bit more than it should.  
She gave him a melting smiled when he squeezed her thigh just before he stood up and made his way to the kitchen and took his time cleaning the ice-cream bowls; he wasn't comfortable when he was so close to Hannah, she made him nervous, so he had decided to erase any temptation of doing something else by leaving the couch.

Castle 'the playboy writer' would probably have punched him in the face for not making a move on her, but he wasn't that person anymore, and although he was making his best efforts, his progress on his metamorphosis had been purely physical. He had lost some weight since he had joined the gym and he was getting toned; he had also kept his little stubble.

In spite of his obvious attraction towards Hannah, he was still in love with Kate. He wasn't ready for another woman yet, not even for one as wonderful and stunning as his trainer;  
"Time to time", he mused.  
He had lost himself in his thoughts when he heard Hannah walking towards him while putting on her coat.  
"Rick, it's getting late, I think I should go"  
He took a quick look at his watch; it wasn't too late for a saturday night, but maybe she had thought the same as him, time to time.  
"Uh, I see... Alright, do you want me to call a cab for you or something?" He offered.  
"I've already called one, but thanks!".  
She smiled at him and grabbing his arm she leaned in and kissed him on the cheek.  
"I had a nice time, Rick. I'll see you on Monday, ok?" She was already heading towards the front door.  
"Sure" He said while he waved her goodbye. "Goodnight, Hannah!"  
"Night!"  
As she closed the door behind her, he made his way to his bedroom and lay with his back on the bed.

Castle thought about how weird last hour had been.  
Anyway, it had been productive, as they had reached a silent agreement about don't rushing things, or that was what it seemed when she decided to leave, instead of pushing. And that was... good?  
He didn't knew if it was good or it was just the right thing to do, especially since he knew that he couldn't start anything as he was not over Kate.  
But he wasn't sure about her motives to slow down whatever it was that was going on between them; he had thought at first that it was because she knew he wasn't ready and it was pure empathy. But maybe she wasn't ready either.  
He had took for granted that she was interested in a relationship with him because of her innuendos. But he had also flirted with her when he wasn't ready for it...

After pondering on that for a while, he realized that he was over thinking the whole situation, so he decided to simplify:  
He had met an amazing woman and he would keep knowing her and see where it ended.  
He was going to stop worrying with no reason.

Proud of his conclusion, he stood up to get prepared for bed.

* * *

Sunday morning passed quickly.  
Paula had called and he had to be in a book signing in a library until late afternoon.  
He had invited his 'Gotham City Crew' for poker that night. Since Montgomery's death they had been meeting less often and Castle thought it would be a good idea to do some catching up a little.

When the Mayor and Judge Markway arrived at Castle's loft they were all happy to see each other, so they chat for a while after they sat on the table and start their poker game.

Castle had refrained from asking Bob about what was going on at the 12th, but after a few hands, he just couldn't hold it any more:  
"So, Big Cheese! How is it going at the precinct?" He said, trying to sound nonchalantly while he gave a puff to his cigar.  
"As far as I know, it has been a quiet week; just one body dropped and Beckett's team closed the case on Friday, that's what you wanted to know, weren't you, Ricky?"  
Castle was about to answer when Markway talked.  
"What? You're not in the team anymore!?" He said, surprised. "Since when?"  
"I wasn't getting paid, so I can't say that I quitted... I left two weeks ago"  
"And what about your research?" Castle was a little amused seeing Markway's reaction and he smirked before talking.  
"I already have enough information of Beckett, Nikki Heat is a consolidated character"  
The Mayor was observing them while they talked.  
"I'm not talking about Detective Beckett, I'm talking about the cases, Rick"  
Castle had to think twice before answering that, the truth was that he had learnt a lot of the crime scenes and the cases in his time at the 12th Precinct...

Bob intervened as Castle stood silent.  
"I know what you told me, Ricky, but I could talk to Victoria and arrange your return, in case you want it"  
"Thanks Bob, but I'm not going back" He doubted for a moment and then added. "For now"  
Markway grinned widely. "For now, uh? Glad to hear that, Rick, my job is less stressful when you're working with Detective Beckett"

His friend was right, they made a good team, and if it weren't for the personal issues, he would love to go back. Even when he was never a true member of the NYPD, they accepted him as one of them and he felt happy resolving murders with Beckett, it was way more rewarding than doing it in his books.

He decided to use the phrase that he kept repeating since the previous day.  
"Time to time, gentlemen"  
They all laughed and continued with the game, talking and joking until they said their goodbyes, promising they would see each other soon.

* * *

After a rough night, Kate woke up at 8.00 am and took a shower.

She laid in the couch, feeling everything and not feeling anything at a time. Feeling... Why was she feeling at all?  
Not even the experiences that many people would have considered extremes, the ones that make you feel the strongest sensations, have supposed a difference for Kate since her mother's murder.  
She had lived with that thought, but then Castle appeared in her life.  
Since she met him, she had somehow felt alive again, but vulnerable. Because being able to feel, means that you can feel pain too, and she had enough of that in the past, so she couldn't let someone like Castle to be part of her life.  
Still, during this four years he had managed to get closer and closer, making her life lighter, and she had allowed herself to care about him... And feel.  
"Biggest mistake ever" She thought.  
She had let herself feel and now she was feeling like crap.  
When Castle was gone, she thought that focusing on Josh would make things easier, but not even her boyfriend could fill the gap that her partner left on her. And now, with no boyfriend, the emptiness was insurmountable.

Of course she would miss Josh, she truly liked him; but she had never loved him, even having tried her best, she just couldn't.  
So she knew she would get over this break up; as she had done with Royce and Demming.  
By contrast, she needed Castle: her partner, her friend, the man that had always been there to save her life and had loved her more than anyone; the same man she had pushed away because she was afraid of losing.  
She had paid her cowardice, and she had lost him anyway.

Thinking about this, a tear made its way down her face. She wiped it out with her hand and stood up.  
What could she do? Since she had finished her sessions with Dr. Burke, Lanie and Castle were the only ones she had shared her problems with... Lanie was probably doing the walk of shame at the moment, so she decided to grab her coat and the car keys to go to visit the only person that could offer her the comfort she sought at the moment; her father. Jim Beckett wouldn't ask her, he would hug her and distract her from whatever that was troubling his little girl, and if she decided to tell him , he would gave her his best advice.  
The thought of her father made her smile for the first time in almost two weeks, and she headed towards his house.

* * *

**Reviews and PM's will make my day.**


	6. Chapter 6

**Author's note: Hello everybody! I'm sorry for the delay, I know it took me a while to update but I was kinda busy with exams and I wasn't going to write some random shit, so I decided to hold up the story until I had something worthy.  
I hope you enjoy this chapter and I promise I'll try to update soon, really! :)  
Leave your reviews, they're very welcome!  
As always, I know there must be typos all over the story, just send me a PM and I'll reedit. **

**THANKS!**

* * *

_She decided then to grab her coat and the car keys to go to visit the only person that could offer her the comfort she sought at the moment; her father. Jim Beckett wouldn't ask her, he would hug her and distract her from whatever that was troubling his little girl, and if she decided to tell him, he would gave her his best advice. _  
_The thought of her father made her smile for the first time in almost two weeks, and she headed towards his house._

* * *

Just as she predicted, her father didn't ask her about the motives of her visit, although it was weird on her to come over without calling earlier.  
Kate stood for lunch, so they could spend the morning together.  
Her father had made a little cleaning to make a larger living room by throwing stuff he didn't needed or used anymore; he picked up a box from a huge pile in the corner and offered it to her.

"Dad, what is this?" She took the box and examined it with curiosity.  
Jim sighed and began to speak calmly as she stared at him.  
"As you know, I've been organizing this lately; there were a lot of albums with photos you already have, but I also found some of your mother's old photos, from before I met her; I thought you would like to have them, too, so I made some copies for you and I kept the old ones". He smiled at her tenderly and she replied with a hug.  
Her eyes were blurry, the tears threatening to fall because of the gesture.  
"Thanks Dad, that's very sweet" She pulled away and she smiled back at him. "Would you like to take a look at them with me?" She offered.  
Her father nodded and opened the box she was holding with a warm grin on his face.

They shared laughs as he told her about the moments in which the photos where taken, but there was also an understanding silence between them at some of the memories.  
When they were almost finished, she saw a picture that claimed her attention: it was her mother, but a man she wasn't able to recognize was holding her in his arms. She showed it to her father.  
"What about this one?" Jim looked at it and chuckled.  
"Aha! Who beat who at the end, Tommy!?" He laughed the, and she was somewhere between puzzled and amused at her father's attitude. "Er... Dad?"  
"This tough guy over there? He is Tom Matthews, your mother dated him for a while"  
She nearly choked with her own saliva.  
"What? I thought that you two had been together from the start, you know... One and done!... When was this?"  
"We fell in love long before we started dating, but it took time to realize that we wanted to be together; well, at least for her. They dated for less than a year, he was a jerk... I almost died of jealousy when I found out" He chuckled again and she joined him this time.  
"I don't understand, Dad. Tell me the story of this guy" She put the photos on the coffee table and got comfy on the couch, waiting for him to talk.  
"Your mother and I were good friends that were working together, we hang out a couple of times and there was this strange flirting and sometimes it seemed like we were having a moment, you know..." He got flustered when he noticed that it was her daughter the one who was hearing the story.  
Kate laughed at her father's shyness, but she couldn't help realizing that her parents were much alike her and Castle. She decided to avoid that trail of thoughts.  
"Dad, I'm not fifteen anymore, go on!" She whined jokingly and he smiled.  
"Ok, ok! Let's say that there was something going on but neither of us made a move. She started dating Tom some time later and I pretended to be fine with it,because I didn't want to lose her friendship by acting immature. It wasn't her fault, I should have asked her out."  
"And what did you do then?" She was hooked with the story.  
"I kept being beside her as always and just waited. After she broke-up with the douche, we were like in the beginning. It took us nearly three years to finally give it a shot, it was frustrating, but it was worthy" He grinned widely and then his eyes went sad. "Now I wish we hadn't waste a single minute"

After a moment of silence, he spoke again. "Not all of us are as lucky as you and Josh, Katie!" He joked to lighten the mood, but by the look of her face he seemed to understand that he had said something wrong.  
Kate was indeed shocked, since her father started talking, she had been thinking of Castle, about how alike were they to her parents and how screwed up were things at the moment between them; now she remembered about why Josh had break up with her and the feelings she had been avoiding until now were flowing freely through her. She was sad and confused.  
"Yeah, about that..." She mused looking at the floor and he looked at her with comprehension.  
"Oh, I see... I'm so sorry, sweetie"  
"Thanks, Dad, but there's no need, I'm fine" She smiled but the look on her father's face told her that he wasn't convinced, He was worried for her and she felt the urge to talk with him. If there was a man every girl could trust, that was her father.  
"In fact, I'm not fine at all, but Josh isn't the main cause"  
"You can tell me everything, you know that, Katie" She nodded and grabbed his hand to squeeze it gently.  
"I will, but first I have to figure some things out by myself, Dad"  
She stood up.  
"I have to go now. I'm glad I came over, it was nice. I'll do it again soon, ok?"  
He stood up as well and hugged her.  
"Alright. Take care, baby, and keep on whatever the circumstances. I love you" He said.  
"I love you too, Dad"

* * *

After a surprisingly quiet morning, Castle had already done everything he had to do; so he let himself relax on the couch, daydreaming about possible scenarios for the next chapter of his book.  
His mind was peacefully adrift when he jumped and nearly fall off the couch to the incessant buzzing and ringing of his phone.  
It wasn't the ringtone he had assigned to any of his significant others, so his first guess was that it would be job-related.

When he finally picked his phone, he saw 'Hannah' on the screen, and realized that he hadn't known from her for two days; although he had been thinking of calling or texting her, he didn't, and he felt somehow guilty, because he was the one who ran away from her when they last met and he had took for granted that everything was right between them. But what if it wasn't that way? "It has to be, doesn't it?" he thought.

Instead of freaking out about whether she was pissed or not with him, he decided to answer and find out already.  
"Hey Hannah!" He crossed his fingers, hoping he didn't screw things up so soon with her by bringing the Beckett theme up the other day or chickening when they were kind of having a moment; he really was hoping she understood his situation.

"Hey back! I haven't heard from you for a couple of days, how was your weekend?" Ok, she wasn't mad, and she was the one who called, after all, so he sighed with relief before talking.  
"Weeeeell, I invited two friends last night for poker and, aside from that, I didn't do anything interesting, I had some writing to do. What about you?"  
"Poker-uh? That's good. I've just got home; I spent the day with my nieces yesterday, you know, family time, and I stayed at my sister's"  
"I didn't knew you have a sister!"  
"Yup. Christine, she's 6 years older than me"  
"I see..." He was about to ask her about why she was calling when she started talking again, as if reading his mind.  
"Rick"  
"Yes?"  
"In fact, I called you because Mike, Christine's husband, suggested going to the Old Haunt tonight, and I was wondering if you would like to come with us, since it's your  
bar and I didn't knew if you were going to be around... " She was talking pretty fast, so he could tell that she was nervous. He couldn't blame her, after all, his behavior the other night  
didn't say much to his favor, he panicked because he didn't want to rush things and ended up acting like a weirdo.  
"So... Would you join us?"  
She had been making his days brighter, just by distracting him with her mere presence, and that was more than many people could offer him right now. She hadn't done anything but  
cheer him up, and he didn't even explained himself. 'Dammit. He was the one who should be calling and asking her out.  
"I'd love to" He could feel her smiling at the other side of the phone. "Meet me there at 7.30?"  
"7.30 it is! Until then, Rick"  
"See you later" He grinned widely and hang up.

* * *

Castle was in his office at the Old Haunt.  
The room was certainly huge, he called it 'office' because of the desk and the privacy, but it could perfectly become another part of the bar if they had wanted to increase the capacity.

Once you opened the door, you could appreciate that the room was considerably brighter in comparison to the atmosphere of the bar-zone downstairs. Although the lamps were low and the décore was also wooded, the walls were painted in white. On the right wall there was a vinyl of a feather and a dagger crossed, which was the Old Haunt's logo. On the opposite wall, shelves with tankards from different places of the world. The middle of the room was occupied by a L shaped sofa, and a smaller one and a table by its side.  
The desk was at the back, where there was also a tiny bathroom.

Castle was laying in the chaise-longue while waiting for Hannah. He knew that her sister wouldn't arrive until an hour or so, so they would be much comfortable at his office in the meantime.  
He took a sip of his glass of wine and glanced at the clock hanging in the wall. "7.32" He said out loud.  
He propped on his elbows and sat down, adopting a more civilized position to receive her.

The bartender on shift knocked and opened the door:  
"Hey, boss, there's a hot Blondie asking for you downstairs, what should I tell her?"  
Castle laughed at the way he was referring to Hannah.  
"Well, you definitely SHOULDN'T call her 'hot Blondie', that girl can kick your brains out if she hears you, Nigel. Anyway, guide her up here, I'll call you if we need anything else" Nigel smirked and nodded.  
When the guy was about to close the door, Castle remembered something:  
"By the way, her name is Hannah. Just in case" They shared an amused look and Nigel left.

He stood up to took a quick glance at the window's reflection to check his looks. "Ruggedly handsome" he mused, grinning. He was wearing dark blue jeans and a white shirt, his hair as usual, but slightly messy.

He sat again and waited until he heard the knock on the door again and stood up to receive her. When the door opened, Hannah peered by the door and stepped in. Nigel closed the door, accidentally closing it louder than he thought, so she turned back to see what had caused the noise. Castle took the opportunity to take a quick look at her.

Beige ankle-boots with heel, dark blue skinny leggings and a loose white shirt that hang on one shoulder. Belt and handbag were beige, in harmony with the boots. She was wearing a key-necklace.

His first impression hadn't been as long as he would have enjoyed, but this way he won't look as a perv. She was stunning.  
As she closed the distance between them, he was able to smell her unmistakable scent.  
"Hi" He managed to say, and leaned forward to kiss her cheek.  
She smiled and rubbed his arm. "Hi back"  
"Please, get comfortable. I was having a glass of wine, would you like one?  
"M.."  
"Beer, coke, water, maybe?" He offered kindly.  
"A coke for the moment, thanks" She sat on the couch and took a look around.  
"Not as impressing as your loft, but I must say that this place isn't bad at all!" She joked and he smirked while taking her drink  
from the little fridge on the corner.  
"Glad you like it"  
"Yep. I also like the calmness. I had enough of shouts and screams from my nieces yesterday" She got more comfortable and crossed her legs. She took the coke, which Rick had garnished with a slice of lime and a straw.  
Rick sat on the other side of the couch and tucked a leg beneath, glass of wine in hand.  
"We could have met latter if you were tired" He said, staring at her cute factions with awe and concern at the same time.  
"Na-uh, don't worry, I'm just over relaxed, that's why I need stimulation" He raised the eyebrows and she slightly waved her coke, before grinning widely and taking a sip of her drink.

Castle smiled back and did the same with the wine. He was sure now that he had to give her some explanations about his 'escape' the other day; he had dealt with the demon to calm Gina down on countless occasions for things that were mere paranoia. He had purposely ignored Hannah the other day and she was... flirty? Whatever it was, proved that she was in a good mood.

They talked for a while about her nieces, then about Alexis; they bet about Rick skills for the class of the next day, because he affirmed that he could took her down easily. They were laughing at some ridiculous suggestions he made, planning his movements for the next day to win her. Her phone buzzed.

"That was Christine, they will be here in 15 minutes"  
He hadn't thought of when would they be able to talk if her family was around, so he decided to bring it up now.  
"Mkay. Hannah, I need to talk to you about something before your sister and her husband arrive"

"What is it?" She tucked her leg beneath her as well to face him.  
"Eh,.. At first, I wanted to apologize, the other day we were having a great time and the I went all weird and I know it wasn't my brightest moment" She pursed her lips and raised an eyebrow, then nodded to let him continue.  
"I need to know what do you think about that first"  
"What do I think..." She repeated, doubting. "I think that maybe you're right, that wasn't your brightest moment, but I'm sure you had your reasons and I'm not going to judge you, Rick. Do you think that maybe we've been getting closer than we should?" She asked, barely audible. But they were closer now in the sofa and Castle heard it. He shook his head.

"No, no, no. I don't think that, I'm really pleased that I met you and that we're friends now. Don't doubt that."  
"Okay, sorry, I misinterpreted what you said. You know what I think now, so you were saying..."  
"I wanted to explain to you why I acted like that the other night. Just listen" She nodded and kept quiet.  
"For the first time in my life, I'm doing what's good for me, not for anybody else, aside my daughter, of course. When I met you I had a great time and I realized something about you, and it's a first time I deal with that as well: you know more about me than I do about you. I needed changes in my life and I'm gaining the confidence I lost with baby steps. I like every single new thing I find, because it helps. And you help, and you're new for me, and I like you. I like the way you are, the way I feel with you and the time we spend together, I consider you a friend now. But... I like you, Hannah. I just... want to be sure of whatever I do, because I would hate if I screw things up with you. I don't want to rush things. The other night you were really close to me and felt scared because of that. Would you forgive me, please?"

He had thought that concrete speech for the last hours, and it hadn't gone as planned, but the essence was there and it has caused the desired effect, she was speechless.  
He stared at her eyes, trying to figure out what she was going to say without success.

She remained silent for a few moment, and when she opened her mouth to reply, they heard a knock on the door and Nigel entered the room.  
"Sorry, boss, there are two people downstairs asking for you both. Should I tell them to come here or what?"  
Castle couldn't believe Nigel's bad timing, so he run a hand down his face before answering.  
"Sure, we'll be more comfortable here. Thanks Nigel, and offer them a drink, I only have coke and beer up here and they might want something else"  
The employee closed the door and Castle stared at Hannah, who was also feeling frustrated because of their unfinished conversation.  
"Rick, I-" He raised a hand to stop her.  
"No, you don't have to say anything right now. Just think about it, ok?" He smiled at her and Hannah raised an eyebrow, questioning.  
He stood up, because her sister and brother-in-law would be there soon. She mimicked his movement but turned to face him.  
He looked at her with curiosity, because her eyes were glaring at him intensely and he wasn't familiar with her expressions yet; so he remained still, trying to understand.  
Hannah took a step toward him and he widened his eyes, they were merely inches away from each other and her scent and warm was intoxicating at that distance.  
She leaned forward and slightly brushed his lips with hers, barely touching. He closed his eyes. He was feeling her breath over his mouth and his knees trembled a little with the sensation.  
"I like you too, Rick" She murmured, her lips skimming his with each word. Then she closed the distance between them and placed a brief kiss on his mouth. "We'll talk about the rest later"  
Castle wasn't able to articulate at that moment, so he just nodded dumbly; with the warmth of her soft lips still lingering on his mouth he couldn't think straight. She said she liked him,  
and she had kissed him. He smiled widely seeing her blushing. She was distinguishably cute.

There was a knock at the door again and they stood apart at a more civilized distance, just in time, before Christine and Mike got inside the room.


	7. Chapter 7

**Author's note: Again, sorry for the delay. I'll try to make it up to you and update the next chapter today as well. I was having some trouble deciding how I wanted to continue this story, some of your reviews made me change my mind about how I was going to proceed, I read a few fanfics and Castle's new chapter didn't make this any easier. Finally, I've found my lost inspiration and I know where this is going and the path it's going to follow. **

**Keep reviewing! **

**Disclaimer: Don't own Castle.**

* * *

_There was a knock at the door again and they stood apart at a more civilized distance, just in time, before Christine and Mike got inside the room._

* * *

They were both medium height, but Mike was slightly taller than Christine. He was a normal guy with dark hair, soul patch and brown eyes covered with glasses.

Hannah's sister wasn't much alike her, her eyes were darker than Hanna's and her hair was brown and wavy; the shape of the nose and the mouth were similar and also the body type. Christine had gone through two pregnancies, but still she had a nice figure.

Already used to deal with this kind of situations at his book parties, he was the one who stepped forward first and offered his hand to Mike to introduce himself; mostly by courtesy, since they all know who each others were.

"Welcome, both of you! I'm Rick Castle, you must be Mike." Mike nodded and shook Castle's hand.

"You got it, man" Castle smiled and turned to greet Christine.

"And you must be Christine, nice to meet you" Knowing he had to cause her a good impression because of Hannah, he gave her his best smile, the one the press adored and the one that had opened so many doors, and shook her hand as well.

"Nice to meet you too, Richard"

Castle laughed at that.

"Please call me Rick, the only one who calls me Richard is my mother and believe me, you don't want to resemble her in so many aspects" Hannah laughed with him and Christine smiled.

"I'll keep that in mind"

When they were all settled on the couch, with their drinks and some things they've ordered to eat, they made a little conversation.

Somehow, they ended up talking about their daughters and the unavoidable Castle's public life.  
Although Hannah had already talked about it with them and told them that most of it was merely for publicity purposes, they couldn't help but question Castle's love life. Not that he could blame them, when he was the one who allowed Paula to give information to the tabloids; he forced a smiled and tried to act normal when Mike asked him THE question:

"Hey, man, what's going on with Nikki Heat then?" He opted for playing dumb and ignoring what he truly meant. Mike was asking about Kate, not Nikki.

"My next book is about to come out, I don't want to make any spoilers, for my reader's sake!" He tried to joke.

"Uh-oh, right" He laughed. "I meant the detective you did research with, I thought you worked together" Christine seemed to understand that Castle was uncomfortable with the topic;

Hannah must have told her something. She nudged Mike and intervened.

"Honey, I don't think it's the right the moment to talk about that" Mike looked at Castle and saw that his wife was right, Castle wasn't in mood to talk about his now ex-partner.

"Sorry, man, I didn't mean to bother you"

"Don't worry, Mike. It's just not the day, maybe next time" He felt Hannah's hand rubbing his knee and he turned to smile at her like she deserved. She was seeking his comfort every time Beckett clouded his mind. Hannah made him forget her if just for a moment, and he couldn't ask for more, she was simply extraordinary. He reached out and covered her hand on his knee, tracing patterns with his thumb on her soft skin.

They stared like that for a while, talking with Christine and Mike, who was recovering his confidence after his little slip-up. Hannah excused herself and went to the bathroom, caressing Castle's fingers as she dropped his hand.

Just as she left, Castle discovered that Christine reminded him of Lanie; she was staring at him with an eyebrow slightly raised and her lips curved in a mischievous smile, a lot like his favorite ME.

"Oh oh. I know that look" He said. She widened her eyes in a dramatic way like and raised her hands like saying 'don't know what you're talking about'. Castle laughed and continued.  
"I know you might have questions, it's normal, but let me say something first: I'm very aware that whatever is this thing going on between your sister and I has escalated pretty fast, but I really like her; although it might sound selfish, I think she's good for me, and I don't mean to hurt her in anyway."

Christine sighed at his last statement. "For your own safety, I hope you don't!" She joked. "However, Rick, she told me about that detective of yours... I believe you when you say you like Hannah, but I also believe that this thing has the potential to make her suffer for the same reason; It's good if you don't want to rush things but don't keep her around if you know that you aren't going to give her a chance. Just don't play with her... Ok?"

Castle was listening with attention, he considered important Christine's point of view in all of this, he was going to reply to her 'giving Hannah a chance' statement, but he nodded firmly instead and said:

"Is the last thing I want to do, and I want you to know that" She smiled at him.

"Honey, you knew about the detective and you didn't tell me anything!? You should have warned me to shut up!" Mike whined, just in the right moment to light the mood and made them laugh.

"You're right, I will fill you in when we arrive home, if Rick's ok with that"

"Sure" He said. After all, there wasn't anything to hide.

Hannah returned from the bathroom and sat down again next to Castle.  
Knowing that her sister approved and that they had talked about him, he took the liberty to put an arm around her, tugging her close.

She was tense at first and blushed a little, but after a weird non-verbal communication with her sister she relaxed and pressed her further into his chest, accommodating herself.

It was Castle's turn to trace patterns in her arm. With his other hand he took his glass of wine and they continued talking a laughing for another hour, until the duo sitting in front of them announced that they had to go.

"We had a great time, but we still have to pick up the kids from my parent's house and it's getting late" Christine said.

They all stood up and said their goodbyes, promising they would meet again soon.

"Chris, tell Mom and Dad that I'll call them tomorrow, would ya?"

"Of course". Christine hugged her sister and whispered something that Castle wasn't able to heard. He shook Mike's hand and patted his arm.

When they finally left, Castle and Hannah stood there, staring at each other awkwardly. Castle glanced at the clock.

"M.. It's not too late, do you want another drink or go somewhere else?" Hannah shook her head.

"I would love to, but I have to be in the gym early tomorrow and I should rest..."

Castle showed her his best puppy face hand she grinned widely.  
"'Kaaaaay, just a drink, but without alcohol, I need to remember where I live and how to get there. Another glass of wine won't make it easy"

He performed a victory dance in his head and smiled enthusiastically.

"Hey, don't worry about that, I'll take you to your place!" He filled her glass with wine and took a little bottle of water for him, since he was driving.

Instead of sitting down on the couch, they rested against the table.

Hannah decided to talk first.

"I have some news" She said. "They're not certain yet, but I want to tell you anyway" Staring at her with curiosity he opened the bottle of water, took a sip, and nodded her to continue.

"I sent my CV to the Presbyterian Hospital, which has a Physical Therapy department, and they have a vacant; I'll have an interview in two weeks and they might give me the job. I'm leaving the gym to made some refreshing before the interview"

He placed the glass in the table and quickly took her hands. "Hannah, that's great!" He was smiling from ear to ear, she was a wonderful woman and she deserved the best. "Although it's going to cost me the best kick-boxing trainer of New York, and I will miss you beating me, I'm really happy for you"

She laughed and hugged him.

"Thanks, Rick! I'm very excited about it. I didn't want to tell to Christine and Mike just yet, they would make a big deal about it and if I don't get the job it would bother me, but I just couldn't hold it from you"

He hugged her back, and smirked at her statement. "Glad to know that"

They had been truly comfortable with each other during the night and meeting Christine had made the difference from Castle, because Hannah was giving him another way to get to know her.  
She had let him know first an important thing for her, and they were hugging now, like they've been doing it forever, because it felt like the most natural act in the world.  
She had kissed him earlier, and even though it was extremely brief, her kiss had gave him goosebumps.  
He had avoid this kind of moments with Hannah because he didn't want to hurt her and he was afraid that he was trying to replace Kate.

But what the hell! He had reconsidered it, he wasn't trying to replace anyone; Kate was still in his mind and heart, occupying a huge space, and he didn't want to remove her form there, but changing the way he saw her. In the meanwhile, Hannah had found her way in as well, slowly gaining ground, removing the pain as she did.

Without thinking it again, he pulled her away from his shoulder and leaned forward, this time to kiss her properly.

When he crashed his lips against hers, she was slightly shocked, but didn't hesitated long until she kissed him back.  
The kiss was slow, tender and, for the moment, chaste. He had one hand on her lower back pulling her closer to him, and the other on her cheek. Hannah put her hands behind his neck and played with the short hair there. Castle let his tongue explore his lower lip, gently nibbling it and soothing the pressure with his lips again. She parted her lips and the kiss deepened a little, as Castle accepted the invitation to explore her mouth and brushed her tongue with his. It wasn't urgent, they weren't battling for dominance, their tongues and lips were dancing in unison, enjoying the taste of the other. When they both realized they needed air, they pulled away.  
Castle stared at her, her lips were swollen from kissing and her cheeks were a little flushed. He couldn't help but smile at the view, he was gorgeous. She smiled back and caressed his stubbly jaw.

He kissed her forehead and rubbed her sides, placing his hands at her hips, where he gave a little squeeze.

"C'mon, I'll take you to your place" He grabbed his coat and took her hand.

In the car, they let the music feel the atmosphere, no words were needed. As they reached her block, she unbuckled the seat belt and turned to him, leaning forward to kiss him goodbye.

They made a shorter version of the kiss they've shared earlier and she opened the door to jump off the car.

"Goodnight, Rick. See you tomorrow"

"Goodnight, beautiful" She smiled widely and closed the door, making her way to her apartment.

This time he couldn't restrain the happy dance and accidentally pressed the car horn, which made Hannah turn around and look at him in amusement. He waved his arm awkwardly, she smirked and proceed to open the door of her block.

With that, he left and made her way to the loft, happier than he had been during this weeks.

* * *

After leaving his fathers house, Beckett arrived at her apartment and took a hot bath, pondering on what her father had told her that day, about her mother and him in the past. Jim Beckett

had suffered over Johanna but at the end, had fought for his co-worker and won. The only thing both had regretted was having wasted a precious time they could have spent together.

Kate obviously felt something for Castle, but the 'L' word was too much, it was just... admiration, trust. Or at least that was she repeated to herself constantly. Speaking the truth, she missed him, it had been three weeks without knowing anything from him, and she couldn't handle much more.

She wouldn't come up with any personal excuses, but she could tell him she wanted him back, working with her. That she could do.

Stepping out of the bathtub she decided she would call him the next day, after all, she had nothing to lose, but there was a lot to win.

Richard Castle was her partner, her best friend and her day to day scene until he left, if her father fought over his co-worker, she could fight over the person that had made her life easier during the last years and bring his ass back to the precinct.

She spent the rest of the afternoon watching Temptation Lane, she made dinner. Her fridge was suffering the consequences of Josh's absence, so she made a mental note to refill it tomorrow.

Before going to bed, she programmed an alarm for 7.30 the next day, since she had to come back to work by then, having fulfilled Gates order of not coming back until Tuesday.

Beckett surrendered to sleep after some time thinking about Castle, and how would the conversation go the next day. With the writer on her dreams as well, and finally with something in mind to bring him back, she had the first night of decent sleep in that time.


	8. Chapter 8

**Author's note: Didn't even bothered in checking the grammar, guys. I'm soooooo tired and wanted to update the chapter today. I'll edit as soon as possible to fix possible grammar stabs.**

**Disclaimer: Don't own Castle.**

* * *

_Beckett surrendered to sleep after some time thinking about Castle, and how would the conversation go the next day. With the writer on her dreams as well, and finally with something in mind to bring him back, she had the first night of decent sleep in that time._

* * *

On her way to the precinct, Beckett was strangely relaxed, but when she arrived she started to freak out, because of the phone call she had to do.

She decided that 9.30 was the perfect hour; Castle would be up by then and she had time to take conscience.  
Until then, she walked nervously around the precinct, which didn't go unadvertised by Esposito and Ryan, but they opted for not interfering with her boss when she was moody. By 9.15 she dropped her empty mug in the break room, after cleaning the mess up; she took another one and made herself a coffee. She closed the door and leaned against the wall as she grabbed her phone and marked speed dial #1.

Kate heard the first and second beep.

She took a sip of her coffee and left the mug on the table, to prevent having to clean up again.

As the third beep sounded, she swallowed hard. She wasn't one to give up her pride easily, but she was conscious that she needed this man around her.

Fourth beep and he wasn't answering. She considered if he was ignoring her.

At the fifth beep she was regretting her decision. She was about to hang up when she heard his voice.

"Er… Yes?" She thought he must be shocked, if not, he would have answered with a little more eloquence. However, it wasn't the time to chicken up, didn't matter if he was surprised by the call.

"Hey, Castle. How has it been? You OK?"

"Ka- Beckett… Yeah. Everything alright, you know, getting some writing done and stuff… What about you?"

"That's good. I'm fine, too. We have had a couple of weird cases since you left, you might have liked them, specially the one of the farmer and the weird signs on his fields"

He whistled in awe. "Wow, UFOs? Yeah, I think I would've liked it." They remained in silence for a minute. Beckett didn't know how to approach the topic now that she was dealing with the real situation. Castle coughed and interrupted her thoughts.

"M, not that I'm not pleased to hear from you, Beckett, but is there something concrete you wanted to talk about or just fill me in with the Alien Farmer case?" He was joking but dryly.

Now. Now it was the moment to man up and ask him to come back. She needed him, there was no other way; renouncing to her pride paled in comparison to stop feeling like crap all day long and not being able to sleep at night. It was worth the risk.

"In fact, yes, I wanted to talk about something, Rick" She used her first name on purpose to catch his attention. She got it.

"What is it, then?"

"Castle, I want you to reconsider coming back to the 12th" She closed her eyes and crossed her fingers.

"I thought I already told you this, Beckett, I have enough material from you, I was at the precinct to shadow you and I'm done" Hearing it again made her heart twist painfully. She wasn't going to let go that easy.

"I know, I know. But I'm not asking you to come back to shadow me, Castle, I'm asking you to solve murders with me, to be my partner. Maybe you don't need any more Nikki Heat documentation, but what about the cases? We make a pretty good team and we help people, Rick…"

The next thing she had left was begging, she didn't have any more excuses aside from the personal ones. She waited for him to think about what she had said.

"You're right, we work well together and I like the job…" He mused. "I was with the Mayor the other day and he suggested the same, that I should rejoin the team…" He remained silent once again, and she waited with patience. "Listen, I'll think about it, ok? Give me a couple of days, and I'll call you or pass by the precinct."

"Ok, Castle, we work better with you around, we all want you back. Consider it, please. I have to go now, have a nice day"

"Goodbye"

She hung up and cleaned up her sweated hand with a paper napkin. He hadn't said 'yes' but 'no' either, so she allow herself to be optimist for once. She took her coffee mug and made her way to her desk.  
Paperwork didn't sound that bad with the possibility of Castle coming back.

* * *

Meanwhile, Castle was still staring at nowhere in concrete, with his phone in hand and Beckett's face in the screen. He had three things in mind: First, she had called him, knowing her it hasn't been easy due to her pride, but she had done it either way, that was something out of the ordinary. Second, she had a point; Castle loved to catch killers and resolve crimes, it made him feel better person and he had nothing to do aside his training sessions, that without Hannah, he could withdraw and substitute for the Precinct's gym. Third, hearing her voice hadn't been as painful as he thought, but had made him realize that he missed her.

He sat on the couch and put the phone on the table. He was still on his pajama and was on his way to the shower when he heard the ringing. It wasn't even 10 in the morning and his head was already messed up.

He thought about it, and he could do it, he could work with her. It had been nearly a month without seeing her, and truth to be spoken, he wasn't as hooked as he was weeks ago. And most of his feelings had been allowed by his innocence. Now that he knew that she wasn't interested and he was trying something with Hannah, he wouldn't make the mistake of falling again.

Now, there was a thing he had to deal with before assuring Beckett that he would be back. Hannah. He needed to talk with her about this, let her know that if was returning to the precinct, it was for the job, not for Kate.

He would be seeing her at 5 pm, so he just waited until then.

* * *

At the gym, already dressed up with his sport clothes and making his way to the tatami, he entered the room and spotted her putting on one of her gloves. She smiled at him as he walked towards her and left the other glove on a little table there. Without her heels he was forced to bend a little to kiss her, but he enjoyed the height difference. He bent to kiss her and grabbed her by her hips and lifted her like she was feather-light, not stopping the kiss.

He placed her on the floor again and she nudged him jokingly. "Wow, you've really improved your physical assets, I'm not that light!" He laughed.

"Yes, you are. But I'll concede you that my trainer has done a great job with me in these three weeks" She winked at him.

He put his own gloves on as she did the same with the one she had left and they started their session.

Once the class was over and they were drying their sweat with towels and drinking some water, Rick decided to bring up the theme.

"M… Hannah, I want to ask you something…"

She took a sip of water and removed some sweat from her neck with the towel. It was hard to focus on the conversation seeing the droplets going down her clavicle to her chest and with her whole sweaty body glowing. But he did his best to take his mind off the gutter, this was important.

"Shoot it"

"I'm considering returning to the precinct to work with Beckett's team resolving murders; It makes me happy, because I help to make justice and it's good for my books"

He stared at her, not sure if she was putting her best poker face or that she really didn't understand what he was trying to tell her. He didn't have to think for long.

"Rick, where's the question?" She glanced at him and started to tide her things up while she waited for him to talk.

"What do you think about it? You know what happened with Beckett, I'm not going back if working with her annoys you in any way"

She laughed and stopped packing to place her hands on his shoulders.

"Listen, I've never been jealous, and even if I were, I wouldn't stop you from doing anything that makes you feel happy. However, if you want to know my opinion, you being all day long with her? Definitely, not my favorite thing to think about, but we're not in a relationship: I like you, you like me and I feel like this is going to somewhere"

"I feel it too, Hannah" He put his hands on her waist and was going to lean to kiss her, but she placed her index on his mouth. She smiled. "I'm not finished yet" He nodded and let her speak.

"I'm good with you working with the NYPD, catching the bad guys. I'll encourage you to work with Detective Beckett until you tell me that I must worry about it, Ok? It's fine with me, Rick"

He grinned from ear to ear. "You finished now?"

"Yeeeeah" She smiled back. He gave her a quick kiss on the lips.

"You're amazing" And continued giving her kisses all over her face, wherever he could reach.

She laughed and pushed her back gently. "Rick! Stop it! I'm all sweaty"

He grabbed her again by the waist and pulled her towards him. "Don't care" He kissed her jaw and licked the curve of it, savoring her salty skin. "See?" He was about to do it again when she stopped him, without stopping her laughter.

"Well I do, let me go to shower first!"

He pouted but freed her from his grip on the sides of her tee.

"Okaaaay… See you in a while"

They both left the room and went to the lockers to get clean.

.

There was no plan for today, so he decided to improvise and take her out of the city to a restaurant he knew in the suburbs. They spent good part of the afternoon there and had a pleasant dinner.  
Castle ordered a pair of glasses of champagne to make a toast for their respective decisions about their jobs. On their way back to the city, he stopped at a lookout so they could enjoy the views of New York shining at night.  
Leaning against the balcony, he noticed that Hannah was marveling by the landscape, staring at the night sky that, from that concrete spot, allowed them to see some stars above the city lights. He surrounded her with his arms, pressing his front to her back and placing his cheek beside hers, kissing it in the process.

"See that group of stars over there? It's the Ursa Major" He said, pointing the sky with his index finger.

"You have to be kidding me, you're into astronomy too?!" She answered, surprised.

"In fact, I have absolutely no idea, but wouldn't it be cool?" He grinned widely and she laughed, nudging him her right elbow.

"Liar"

He smirked and kissed her cheek again. Lacing his fingers with hers he turned her around.

"Ok, I'll give you that one, but I'll say an enormous truth to compensate: You're gorgeous"

Leaning down to seal her lips with his he felt her smiling and smiled her back. Just because it's not quite easy to kiss someone while you're both grinning like idiots, he pulled back and they walked to the car to go home.

Castle dropped Hannah at her place like the day before; when he arrived at the loft, he decided to text Beckett; he didn't need another day to ponder, after talking with Hannah that afternoon, he was rather convinced, but now he was certain.  
He could do it; he could have everything he wanted right now:  
First of all, Alexis was healthy and happy on college. His daughter would always be his first worry.  
Aside of that, he had met someone real. Hannah cared about him, and was interested in him for things that weren't his fame or his money.

And he could solve murders with Beckett like they used to.

He didn't want to overthink the situation, he was happy and he had made a decision, so instead of delaying it, he grabbed his phone and sent the detective a message.

"Beckett, I'm in. See you at the precinct tomorrow"

It was late and he thought that she would probably read it the next day. He made his way to his bedroom and fall sleep quickly.

* * *

Her phone buzzed, and she thought it might be Lanie telling her that she wanted the details about her conversation with Castle the next morning, since the ME had been working with another team today, covering another doctor, and they hadn't seen each other.

She was already in the bed but she knew she wasn't going to get to sleep anytime soon, so she reached out to grab her phone and opened the little packet glowing on the screen.

It was from Castle, and she had to read it at least 5 times to reassure herself that she wasn't misunderstanding the message. She jumped out of the bed and made a ridiculous but funny happy dance, she was euphoric.  
He was coming back. Castle was coming back! By tomorrow, she would have her partner with her.

She had been thinking about it all day, thinking that he would answer in a couple of days, and, in the worst of the cases, he would decline her offer. This wasn't what she was expecting at all, but she had no complains so far.

After a good 15 minutes of excitement, she finally got in to bed again and managed to fall asleep, since she would have to deal with a lot of emotions the next day and needed some rest.


	9. Chapter 9

**Author's note: I know it's been a while, but I have good reasons, I swear! I've decided to update weekly from now on so you don't hate me guys. **

**Some of your reviews really messed me up, the chapter was nearly finished and then I changed my mind and started over again. Keep it up, I love the struggle.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Castle.**

* * *

_After a good 15 minutes of excitement, she finally got in to bed again and managed to fall asleep, since she would have to deal with a lot of emotions the next day and needed some rest._

* * *

Beckett had always been an early bird and used to be the first arriving at the precinct. Even so, she woke up earlier than ever of pure enthusiasm.

She took her time in the shower and lathered twice with her cherry scented products.

Once out of the shower, she chose carefully her attire for the day, wanting to look good when Castle made his entrance. Unconsciously, or maybe not so unconsciously, her final apparel was sexier than her co-workers were used to. For a moment, she considered changing again; her rational-self was telling her not to make a big deal about Castle's return, but the urge of impressing him was stronger than that.

She had opted for dark skinny jeans and her favorite heels, not out of the ordinary; but she chose a grey blouse with slight cleavage for that day, which would have made him gasp a month ago, either way, she bet that his breath would hitch a little thanks to her push up bra.  
She put on a light makeup, mainly to cover the eye-bags she had due to her lack of sleep those weeks, and combed her wavy hair, that was cascading over her shoulders.

She prepared herself a coffee and had some breakfast, which she usually skipped. She brushed her teeth and slowly made her way to the precinct.

* * *

At the precinct, the first thing she did was go to the morgue to see Lanie and fill her in.

"Hi, Lanie" She said as she opened the door. The ME didn't raise her gaze from the body she was working on, but took a sheet and covered it to chat with Kate.

"Hey, girl! You're early today"

"I know" She had only spoken four words and her friend had already noticed there was something up. Removing her gloves slowly, Lanie smiled devilish at her and raised her head to look at her, now aware that Kate was somehow looking better than other days.

"Uhumm. Start spilling, honey: who is the new man?

She had to laugh at that. Unable to hold her emotions, Beckett told the ME that Castle was coming back and all the details about their conversation the other day. She could see that Lanie was both shocked by the news and relieved that it had cheered her friend up, but there was something else.

"Lanie, it's something wrong?"

"Not at all, I'm happy about writer-boy's return; just a little bit confused 'cause I thought he would be out for longer"

"Why would he?" Kate asked, playing dumb, not liking were this conversation was headed.

"Girlfriend, you know that better than anyone"

"No I don't Lanie. Look, I'll come back later, you were busy and I have work" She said, dryly. She was pissed; she wanted to share her enthusiasm with her best friend, and Lanie kept spoiling the mood.

During those weeks, Lanie had been encouraging her to open up and admit that she missed Castle, and since a couple of days in which she finally followed her advice, Kate found that incredibly annoying.

"Kate, I've been skipping over the fact that you avoid me whenever I put 'feelings' and 'Castle' in the same sentence, but, you know you'll have to talk about it someday, don't you?"

Lanie was right and she knew it, but she had already swallowed too much pride on the last days to admit it. It was truth; she didn't like to talk about that, basically because she didn't even know what to say or if there was anything to say at all.

Castle bared his soul at her last May, during the shooting, and she didn't tell anyone but Dr. Burke that she knew it; still, everybody was aware of the writer's feelings towards her. People kept asking her if they were an item or if she felt anything for him, and she ended up questioning herself as well:  
"What do you feel for him, Katie?"  
After years of pondering, she still doubted: he was the most childish, stubborn, annoying man she had met and yet, she found herself liking those features in him.

Lanie interrupted her drifting with a subtle cough. "You there, girl?"

"M. Yes, sorry… Maybe you're right, Lanie, but let's leave it for now. I should go back to work"

"Ok, honey, see you later."

* * *

After her visit to the morgue she was even more anxious. She spent a good hour of the morning doing paperwork, and so did Ryan and Esposito when they arrived at the precinct.

Beckett glanced nervously at her father's watch every five minutes, until the elevator dinged on the Homicide floor and her gaze was fixed on its doors.

Kate wasn't prepared for the image that stepped out of the elevator. "How long has he been out?!" She thought, and doing the math, three weeks and some days didn't seem enough to change that much. Castle's hair was shorter than usual and a little messy, he had grown a stubble and it seemed as if he had lost weight, since his face looked slightly thinner. Taking a look up and down his body, Kate noticed the weight-loss was general. She would've bet that his jeans were hanging lower on his hips and his muffin top had disappeared, but his shoulders seemed broader. She thought his shape was due to the clothing: he was wearing a light blue shirt, black blazer and jeans.

She focused all she got to regain composure and try to feign she wasn't ecstatic by his mere presence. Well, ecstatic and hot.

He was holding a plastic tray with coffees. Once he had reached her desk, he placed the tray there and looked at her for the first time since he left the elevator. She smiled at him and stood up. Damn him, with his impossibly blue eyes; it had only been a minute and she was already lost in them.

"Hey Castle! You look good" She said with a low voice, sure that he could hear her heart pounding.

"Thanks, you look good-" He answered, and she noticed his gaze on her cleavage. "too." He raised his head and smirked nervously when he caught her staring at him.

Beckett took a step forward and was about to hug him without even thinking how weird it would look to the other detectives; but she couldn't even reach for his arm and he was already turned around, hugging Espo and Ryan, who complimented him for his muscles and told him how much they missed him. Kate had to laugh to their 'bromantic' attitude.

Few minutes later, the guys headed back to their desks and Castle took of his blazer to be more comfortable. Beckett watched intensely as he removed it from his shoulders and slipped off the sleeves, thinking that he had definitely worked out, as his shirt was a little tight on his arms and pecs. Her jaw was hanging, so she sat down and looked the other way, hoping he hadn't noticed her flustering.

He took a couple of coffees from the plastic tray and handed them to the boys, who thanked him.  
She was somehow jealous that he had brought coffee for everyone and not only for her, like he used to, but at the same time, she found really cute that he was so thoughtful with the others.

She smiled at him when he handed her hers. "You know, Castle? You're the only one that gets my coffee right, I missed you" Her mouth betrayed her brain with the last statement.

He grinned at her with her favorite smile. "I guess it's a gift." That boyish grin combined with her bad-boy look and his physique, nearly made it for her. He withdrew his eyes from hers and looked down, uncomfortably.

He took the last cup and threw the tray to the bin. "I brought tea for Lanie. I'll come up in a moment". He disappeared behind the elevator doors, and when nobody was looking she allowed herself to make a victory dance. "He's back", she mused and grinned from ear to ear. She laughed at her own stupidity and continued with the paperwork.

* * *

After making a little chit-chat with Lanie, he was on his way up to the Homicide Floor again, taking the stairs this time.

He knew he would be shocked to see Beckett after a month, but he wasn't prepared for this, she was extraordinary, and he even felt guilty for glancing at her chest, but he couldn't help it, and neither any other straight man.

Talking with Alexis that morning, she suggested him remembering why he had left at first each time that he doubted about her today, so he forced himself to do that. Katherine Beckett was not for him, and she had made her point by ignoring his very obvious feelings for four years.

As the realization slapped him, like each time he thought about it, he also remembered who was there for him during that time: Hannah.

Castle smiled when he saw her face in the screen after pressing the 'Call' button. She answered at the second beep.

"Hi, Rick. How's your first day back?"

"Hi back! I've just arrived, I was in the morgue chatting with Lanie, the ME, and now I'm heading back to Homicide. Everything is fine. What about you?" He was about to reach his floor, so he slowed his rhythm going up the stairs.

"I'm so fucking nervous! I've been studying for a while and now I have to quit in the gym. Do you think I'm doing wrong?"

"Hey, take it easy! I think it's good that you are trying to achieve your aspirations, Hannah. You are going to get that job"

She sighed loudly. "Thanks, Rick. I needed to hear that". He was already at Homicide. Beckett wasn't facing him, but Ryan and Espo caught him by the phone and were making ridiculous signs and funny faces to make him laugh in case it was a serious call. He couldn't hold it and smirked at the duo.

"What's funny?" Hannah was amused by his laughter.

"Ryan and Esposito are making funny faces. I think you would like them, and Lanie as well." He wondered for a moment, looking at Beckett's desk, and took a chance. "Hannah, I was thinking about inviting the guys out for lunch. Would you like to join us?"

"Uh..I'd love to, but I've plans with Alicia for lunch… Next time, maybe?"

"Oh, ok, don't worry, next time" He was now really close to his chair beside Kate's.

"See you later?" Hannah offered.

"I hope so; pick you up when I'm done?"

"Sure. 'Til later then, handsome!"

"'Til later, beautiful!" He smiled and hung up. Kate had been absorbed by her paperwork, but by the look he was giving him, she had clearly heard his goodbye to Hannah and was now wondering who was at the phone with.

* * *

"Who the fuck is 'beautiful'?" Beckett thought when she felt a punch on the stomach hearing him. She put her best poker face as he sat on the chair beside her, but she was still clenching and twisting inside with unresolved feelings, rage and jealousy that were working their way out.  
Already used to deal with this, she focused and swallowed hard, deciding that having him right beside her was enough for the moment and she should be happy about it. She managed to do so and they made a little superfluous conversation until a body dropped.

They all had lunch at Remy's and had a good time, he and Beckett weren't as talkative as usual and they were somehow uncomfortable, but that was expected, and the guys and Lanie made the situation easier to handle.

The case wasn't out of the ordinary, a Caucasian teenager had been choked and all the leads were pointing to his ex-boyfriend; who was in the interrogation room with Espo and Ryan in that moment.

Castle and Beckett were on the other side of the two-way mirror, observing the guys questioning the suspect.

He knew Beckett had been pondering on his earlier phone call, but won't ask him directly, she never did. He thought about it and decided that, after all, he had nothing to hide and she was going to meet Hannah sooner or later.

Without withdrawing his eyes from the boys, he talked.

"I'm kind of dating her" He looked at her and continued. "The woman I was talking with earlier"

Side-glancing, he noticed how her hands turned into fists, but didn't comment anything about it.

"I didn't ask"

"I know, but you were thinking about it"

She was going to draw blood in her lower lip if she kept biting it with that intensity. He was a little annoyed with her reaction; she had no right to be bothered by this.

"Ok, I guess I was…" He nodded and they spent a few minutes in silence. This time, she talked first.

"It's something serious?" She said in a rush.

Castle looked at her with surprise; if he wasn't annoyed earlier, now he definitely was. She never cared about his relationships, but she had thought this was a good moment to do it? He was truly confused.

"That's none of your business, but If you want to know… Yes, it could be"

Before she was able to answer, Ryan opened the door, they had cracked the suspect and he had confessed. Since the case was solved,Castle waved his goodbyes and headed to Hanna's.

* * *

Beckett's heart clenched as she watched him go. She had felt jealousy other times, but it was different now for some reason.

Maybe she was realizing he was more important than she thought. Maybe she wanted him as more as a partner.

She didn't have panic attacks anymore, and she was controlling her fear and anxiety. That was good, she was almost healed from her PTSD, but it also left her with time and enough emotional capacity to think about things like this.

She remembered her life before he appeared. It was boring, empty; she watched the things that could make her happy passing right in front of her, without making a move. Castle brought humor to her work and happiness to her life.

A giant lightbulb lit up in her head.

Castle was her second chance. He was all the little things she had ignored in the past, and also the ones she longed for her future. How could she have been so blind?

Richard Castle was a walking opportunity in her life, and she almost lost him. She HAD to be beside him. She NEEDED it.  
Her intense jealousy was justified. She WANTED to be with him.

Knowing his relationship history, this new 'girlfriend' wasn't going to be a problem for long. He was hers, of course it wouldn't work with any other woman, they were meant to be.

She cursed herself for being so stubborn. He told her he loved her, it's impossible to erase feelings with that ease, isn't it? The only thing she had to do was to wait for this new bimbo to disappear and she will make herself clear with him.

After finishing the paperwork, she went home.


	10. Chapter 10

**Author's note: Here's chapter 10, since I promised a weekly update, hope you enjoy it.  
I want to express my gratitude for your reviews, specially to: . , PrettyLittleThingSamantha, SerialStoryLover, Ceetee and Soprano009.  
Y'all seem to be liking and following this story and you encourage me to continue with this; thank you. **

**Keep reviewing and share your thoughts, please :)**

**PD: I seem to be proliferating hate and love towards Hannah for equal. You guys are making me doubt how I should continue this, keep making me crazy, as I said, I love the struggle!**

She_ cursed herself for being so stubborn. He told her he loved her, it's impossible to erase feelings with that ease, isn't it? The only thing she had to do was to wait for this new bimbo to disappear and she will make herself clear with him._

_After finishing the paperwork, she went home._

* * *

The next day, instead of going to the precinct at 9, Castle arrived at 7.30 to work out at the gym. After a good shower he had breakfast in a restaurant just beside the precinct, a moment he took advantage of to call Alexis, who was on her way to college by that hour. He bought coffee for the guys and Beckett and tea for Lanie, as he did the previous day, and headed to the 12th.

They were investigating the murder of a man without ID, found on a field in the suburbs. He had been seriously burnt in what they assumed was an attempt of the killer of removing any tracks, but seeing it wasn't working he hide the body. The case was by far more interesting than the last one, and more difficult to solve for the very same reason: by afternoon they had nothing but the vic's name and some personal information, no criminal record, single and his closest family was living abroad.

They decided to take a fresh start the next day, so he left to pick up Hannah. On his way to her place, Castle thought about Beckett's weird behavior. She had been closer to him than ever, taking every single moment she could to make skin contact: while grabbing her coffee mug from his hand, approaching him from behind to take a look at a file… "This woman is impossible" he thought. When he was finally respecting her boundaries and didn't want to invade her personal space, she was invading his. Not that she was overstepping limits, but he didn't want her too close, it wouldn't be good for him.

Stepping out of the car in front of Hannah's block, he smiled. She was definitely someone who wanted close.  
Each time Beckett touched him today, he cursed muttering and unconsciously stiffened; he couldn't help his body reaction to her closeness; her scent and warmth was torturous for him, and the only thing he could do was step back and think about Hannah, the real thing. He could touch her, he could get lost in the way she smelled and the softness of her skin. He could kiss her nonsense and forget all his troubles with a certain detective who never allowed those things to happen between them.  
It had been a whim during the day, now he was craving for her.

He knocked twice and waited for her to open the door. When she finally did, he took his time to look at her. Her short hair was still wet from the shower and she was wearing shorts and a loose navy-blue t-shirt with a diagonal white stripe. They said they would meet at 9 and he was early, so she was also barefoot. She was amused by what he supposed was his astonished face and was smiling widely.

He knew that genetics had been gentle with him, but it was still hard to realize that he could attract women like her. He was very lucky, and he grinned at his materialized fortune standing just in front of him.

"What?" She said, unable to decipher what was going through his head.

The sound of her voice was the detonator. He had remained still until that moment by the door frame, but he couldn't hold it anymore. He took a quick step forward and grabbed her by her waist.

"God, I missed you today" He kicked the door close and crashed her lips with hers at the same time.

If she was surprised at first, she caught up with him quickly and kissed him back. It was fierce, heated, new territory for them. Castle guided her backwards so she was pressed against the wall at the entrance. He stepped as close as humanly possible and while one of his hands went up to caress her hair, the other one wandered beneath the hem of her shirt and made its way to her lower back. He was on fire, and this was probably wrong, but he wasn't able to stop it; he needed to touch her, if could be wrong but it was feeling so damn right.

As if to emphasize his point, she put her hands on his sides and pulled him towards her, making their hips meet; which propelled a breathy moan from her and a groan from him. His blood was boiling through his veins. He lifted her up by her thighs and she hooked them up at his hips. He walked until he reached the coach and he was able to bend and lay over her without breaking the kiss.

In an attempt to switch positions, she applied more force than necessary and he fall off the couch. Although they both tried to hold it, they ended up breaking in laughter, Castle on the floor and Hannah still in the coach. When they had recovered some air Castle stood up and sat down beside her.

As much as he wanted to finish what they had started, he also knew that it would be better if they wait for the right moment. He looked at her, she was still breathy, her cheeks flushed and her shirt tousled. She was gorgeous, and in the inside too. He couldn't let IT happen like it was going to; their first time must be something special, something big. She was worth the wait. He took her face in his hands and kissed her slowly, sweetly.

"I'm sorry; I got a bit carried away" He smirked and she mimicked the sound.

"Not that I have offered any resistance"

"I know. Hannah, believe me when I say that I want you." He gave her a quick peck on the lips. "Badly" He leaned forward again and this time he lingered longer. "But I want to make things right with you. Let's wait for the right time."

"That's really sweet, Rick. Thanks" She rubbed her nose with his and kissed him briefly.

"Don't give them" He stood up and grabbed her hand. "Now, go put your shoes on, I'm taking you out for dinner"

She smiled and did as she was told.

They discussed Hannah's interview for the next day over dinner. She was nervous and Rick tried to help her to relax a little, comforting her and making her laugh.

Once they had finished, he went up with her to her apartment. He prepared her an infusion to calm the nerves like he did with Alexis when she had an important exam and she couldn't sleep. That interview was a great opportunity for Hannah and he wanted her to be confident.  
They watched TV for a while cuddled on the couch and he decided it would be the best to leave and let her rest. Castle kissed her softly, wished her luck and made his way to the loft.

* * *

The next day at the precinct, Beckett, Esposito and Ryan were discussing their next move with Gates.  
The team had made some advances on the case; the vic was Anthony Wilkins, ex-husband of the owner of an European publishing house named Rebecca Powell, although he had never been on the spotlight like she was.  
The alibi of the man Esposito and Ryan had interrogated the other day had been verified; that made Miss Powell the main suspect for the moment.

Gates disagreed with Beckett's idea of just bringing her to the precinct to make her talk.

"What do you suggest then, Sir?" Beckett asked.  
"There's an event tonight. Miss Powell will be there and also her fiancée. You'll go so you can obtain information from both of them, he's a potential suspect"

"Sir, I don't understand why I can't just bring the two of them here."

"Detective, Mr. Wilkins used to attend to these events with Miss Powell, there might be people related to his murder in that party. You'll go undercover."

"How are we supposed to get inside without invitation? That kind of events are highly secured, using my badge may compromise my cover, sir. I don't think is a good idea."

In that moment Castle stepped out of the elevator doors. Esposito and Ryan had returned to their desks to keep searching for leads.

"It seems that Castle's presence will be useful for once."

Castle put down the coffees in Beckett's desk and approached the women. "Good morning"

"Good morning, Mr. Castle." Beckett just glared at him and gave him a little smile.

"Castle, what can you tell us about tonight's party at the Ritz" Beckett said.

"Uh… There will be publishers, authors, newspaper and magazine directors… The event is in honor of the merger of two publishing houses"

Gates was enlightened with Castle's information.

"Authors, so you're going."

"Well, I've been invited, of course, but I'm not going to attend, I have plans for tonight and my publisher is not going either"

Gates was suddenly more Iron Gates than ever.

"You don't anymore. Mr. Castle, I need you to go with Detective Beckett to that party to obtain information"

Kate was able to hear Castle swallowing hard.

"I let you stay in my precinct because you're useful from time to time, and I don't care about your relationship with the Mayor. You're useful now, we need to get in and you'll be there helping the team. Is it clear?"

Castle nodded dumbly.

"Ryan, Esposito!" The two detectives turned around to look at Gates. "You two are on call tonight to cover Detective Beckett's shift" She turned around and closed her office's door.

Castle and Beckett sat on their respective chairs.

"So, let me get this straight… We HAVE to attend this event and go around like 'hey, you knew that the ex of the big fish was murdered and almost grilled?' I don't like it. I don't like it at all."

"I know Castle, I don't like it either, but you heard Gates…" She had used her best poker face, and at first didn't want to the fucking event at all, but she was secretly enjoying the idea of going with Castle.

However, his disappointed face was making her doubt. Was it so horrible for him to go with her to a party? He had even insisted her to be his plus one sometimes on his book parties.

* * *

The morning passed slowly for him. He couldn't believe his bad luck. He had booked a table for two in his favorite restaurant to surprise Hannah, as she was in her interview at the moment and he wanted to celebrate her new job tonight. Maybe offer her a drink at his place and finally reach a new level of intimacy in their still undefined relationship before a nice date.  
He kept wandering all day when would be their next opportunity, since he wanted to make the situation special and that night was his best shot.

In any case, he had returned to the precinct to work with the team, and if they needed his assistance in this case, although it was just to get into that party, helping them to do so was the least he could do.

It was almost 12 and they were adding their developments to the murder board when the elevator stopped at their floor. They were all absorbed in their work so they didn't notice that someone had arrived until Karpowski called out for Castle and they turned their heads to her.

"Someone's asking for you" Said the detective.

Castle was incredibly curious and worried at a time; the only ones who could go to the precinct looking for him were Alexis, Martha or, God forbid, Meredith or Gina. His daughter or his mother may be in trouble or he was about to get into one with one of his ex-wives. Esposito was the one who talked first, but Beckett and Ryan were equally intrigued.

"Yo' waitin' for someone, bro?"

"Uh... Not that I know of" He said, standing up.

Not even two steps after, Karpowski pointed at him while smiling to the person who was asking for him. A shy and thankful Hannah peered to where Castle was standing. His face was immediately lightened up.

"Hannah! What are you doing here!?"

She walked quickly towards him with a huge grin on her face. "Rick, I got the job!"

Castle laughed happily and hugged her firmly when she was close enough, forgetting where he was and focusing only in her. "I knew you would, I'm so happy for you" She pulled back from his arms and stood on tiptoes to kiss him slowly, putting her arms around his neck.

* * *

The boys were looking at Castle and the Blondie with their jaws hanging by the floor. "Man…" Ryan managed to say. "I know bro… Unbelievable" Espo answered.

Meanwhile, Beckett had turned her head to look at the murder board, not able to watch the _disgusting_ picture in front of her. She had saw Castle with other woman before, but never like this, never sharing a kiss, aside from Nathalie Rhodes, of course, but that was a different situation.

"Who was that woman and why was her tongue down his throat!?" Oh god, her mind was slowly putting the pieces together and she was forced to look at them again. When she realized what was really happening she felt the urge of throwing up. She swallowed hard and analyzed the situation.  
Kate closed her eyes. That wasn't just ANY woman. She was the fucking flirty blonde from the gym. She was the 'beautiful' Castle was talking with the other day on the phone. She wasn't a one-night-stand and wasn't even a weekly fling. They had been seeing each other for nearly a month…

What was she supposed to do now? What if the blonde recognized her from the gym and told Castle? There was no way she could coherently explain why she had stalked him that time…

She spent a good two minutes freaking out and lost in her own thoughts and didn't notice when Castle and that bitch stopped making out in front of her and the whole precinct. She wasn't even aware when he took her hand and walked towards them. She did not realize when he introduced her to them, not even when Castle said her name out loud. It was when he tapped her on the shoulder when she snapped back to reality. "Beckett?" He said. "This is Hannah"

Kate stared at the blonde, who was smiling at her with her arm outstretched for Beckett to shake it. Her urge to throw up was somehow relieved by the fact that she hadn't recognized her. She made her best effort to not spit her right in the eye and rapidly shook Hannah's hand. "Nice to meet you" The blonde had said. And since Castle was looking at her she managed to say "Likewise" between teeth.

She wasn't sure how to act or what to think anymore. She just couldn't stand the sight of Castle with someone who wasn't her. Not when she had finally realized she wanted to give 'them' a shot. She was blind with rage and made her way to the bathroom without saying anything; leaving the guys talk with Castle's new bed-notch and her partner staring at her with confusion.

Once in the bathroom she punched the wall hard, only getting her hand damaged, because the wall was covered in marble tiles. She didn't even care about the pain she was feeling in her hand. She could only think about Castle. She needed to tell him; she needed to apologize if necessary, swallow her pride once again and confess why she had been so stubborn. Tell him that she was scared, that she had gone through therapy and she was a better person now. She needed to tell him that she had been miserable without him and that he was more than a partner for her, that she and Josh were over because she couldn't stop thinking about him since that kiss in the alley.

She was fucked up. How the hell has she ended up in this situation, she didn't know. But she did know she had to do something about it, and it had to be soon, because he was moving on, really moving on, and it was all her fault, for pushing him away whenever he tried to get close to her.

God, a couple of nights before she was sure it will be easy to take him back, now she wasn't so certain.

For the moment, Kate decided to go down to the morgue and let Lanie take care of her hand; if she was lucky enough, her friend would help her to sort some things out.


	11. Chapter 11

_God, a couple of nights before she was sure it will be easy to take him back, now she wasn't so certain. _

_For the moment, Kate decided to go down to the morgue and let Lanie take care of her hand; if she was lucky enough, her friend would help her to sort some things out. _

* * *

"Hey Lanie" She said crossing the morgue's door frame.

"What's up girlfriend? I sent the lab report to Homicide about half an hour ago, hasn't it arrived yet?" She said, while cleaning up her hands.

"No, no, we received it. I came down here because I hurt my hand, could you take a look at it?"

Lanie turned around quickly; she dried her hands up with a towel and rushed towards her friend, taking her right hand gently to examine it.

"Uh-Kate… It's really sore and it seems that it won't stop getting swollen for the moment; luckily, it's not broken. Let me take an ointment for the swelling and I'll bandage it, then you should put some ice on."

"Ok, thanks, Lanie"

"How did you get hurt? I thought you guys weren't going out of the precinct today"

"We didn't. In fact, I punched a marble wall." Lanie looked at her with widened eyes and would possibly have smacked her if she weren't already hurt for being so stupid.

"What the hell girl? You thought you were the incredible Hulk or something? Since when do you go around punching walls like an outraged macho?"

Kate couldn't help but laugh at her friend's occurrence, and Lanie ended up following her laughter. When they were both calmer, Lanie started applying the ointment and then bandaging Kate's hand. "Are you going to tell me what happened or do I have to take it out of you?"

"Castle happened" Kate muttered. "Well, Castle and his new conquest making out in front of my murder board". She said, dryly.

"WHAT?" Lanie squealed.

"I know, I didn't expect it either. I kind of freaked out and punched the wall of the ladies bathroom" She explained.

"Wah- I don't… Wait, why on earth would you freak out?" Lanie sentenced, raising an eyebrow knowingly.

"You know why, and I've known for a long time too, just didn't realized 'til now"

"Girl, I don't know if I should hug you because you finally came to your senses or smack you for the time it took you. What are you going to do now?"  
Kate smiled at her friend coyly.

"I was expecting you to help me sort some things out, the truth is that I have absolutely no idea how to act right now, Lanie. I really want to come clear with him, but he's with someone; in fact, that someone is all clingy with him at this very moment…"

"Ok, listen to me, girlfriend. That man has been crazy over you for the past 4 years and you didn't do a thing; can you blame him for walking away and moving on? No, you can't. But you can make him come back to you."

Kate wandered for a moment, looking at the floor while Lanie tidied up the bandages and the ointment. "How…?" She finally mused.

"Kate! It's writer-boy! You know him better than anyone. Man up and tell him how you feel!"

"I could do that…But what about the blonde, Lanie? He told me she could be something serious"

"But it's not for the moment, is it? You deserve to be happy, and I've seen by myself that you're happy when he's around. Fight for it, Kate."

Kate smiled and hugged her friend, careful to not brush her hand and get hurt. "I'll do my best, Lanie. Thank you very much"

"There's no need, honey. Call me if there's anything new… Oh, and take care of your hand, enough ice will cover it's swollen"

"Will do!"

On her way back to Homicide she wandered a little, hoping that Castle and his 'whatever' would be gone by that moment. She was right. When she reached her floor, Castle wasn't there. Since they had to go to the undercover mission that night, she packed her things careful not to hurt her hand, hidden by her coat. Ryan and Espo asked her if she was ok, obviously concerned by her witnessing the writer with other woman. She told them not to worry and went to her place.

* * *

Castle and Hannah had lunch in an Italian restaurant near the precinct and were now walking down the street. He couldn't put out of his head Beckett's behavior, it pissed him off. Hannah had been nothing but nice with her when he had introduced each other and Kate had acted grumpy and elusive. He would have to talk about it with her. In the meantime, Hannah was telling him the details of the interview and her new job; she was enthusiastic and he was happy for her, he really was, but she kept bringing up again and again how bad she wanted to celebrate her success tonight with him; as it seemed, they had been thinking of the same kind of celebration, and he had yet to tell her he couldn't. He sighed loudly, opting for not delaying the unavoidable for longer.

"Hannah…" He said, interrupting her laughter about something he wasn't really listening at.

"Yes?" She said, still grinning.

"I'm afraid I can't be with you tonight… I have an undercover mission at the Ritz"

She wasn't grinning anymore; disappointment was obvious in her face.

"Oh! I see…"

"I'm really sorry"

"No, no. It's ok, not your fault" She wasn't pissed but there was something else that wasn't right.

They walked in silence for a few minutes. Castle looked at her again, there was definitely something else and he decided that it wouldn't be very intelligent to mention that the undercover mission consisted in partying with Beckett.

When they reached the precinct, he stopped her and grabbed her by the shoulders.

"I know it sucks, but I promise I will make it up to you some way or another. Ok?" Her lips curved in a small smile.

"I can live with that. Talk later?"

"Yeah" He leaned forward and kissed her chastely on the lips. He was already feeling bad for not telling her about that night.

* * *

Castle showered and dressed up with one of his finest suits for the occasion. It was a black Armani suit; he had chosen the classical white shirt and a blue tie with a half-Windsor knot. He knew there would be no press that night, but still, it was his job to maintain a good impression, and experience had taught him that he looked better suited up.

His town car was driving him to Beckett's place; he wasn't worried about his composure that night, he had already dealt with Beckett in a dress and survived. Once she opened the door to receive him, he wasn't so sure.

Kate Beckett was standing in front of him, wearing a deep blue dress, in sync with his tie. It hugged perfectly her curves and although the cleavage wasn't too revealing, his writer's imagination and years of fantasizing about her body didn't make it less arousing. Her silky brown hair was cascading over her shoulders and her eyes were smoky and glittery from the make-up. He decided not to comment on her attire, and he wasn't sure he could even if he wanted.

"Hey Castle! Come in, I'll be ready in 5 minutes" He passed and leaned on the back of the couch; hands in his pockets. When she turned around and went towards her bedroom to put her shoes on, he couldn't help but stare at her backside. _Holy shit, the dress was backless. _Castle closed his eyes. Katherine Beckett showing so much skin was too much for him to deal with.  
When he heard the clap of her heels approaching him once again he was again breathless, the dark stilettos she was wearing made her legs impossibly long. God, he had never been so wrong: that night wasn't going to be easy at all; torturous was more accurate.

The ride to the Ritz wasn't uncomfortable, because he spent the whole journey looking through the window to avoid looking at her. She seemed to be ok with the silence and didn't say a thing.

After telling their names to the man at the entrance, he let them pass and they reached the main room. There were about a hundred people, all of them well-known for their jobs and charges. Some waiters ran from one side to another with trays full of drinks. There was some music to create atmosphere, but it was barely audible from where they were.

Castle started to walk towards the crowd and notice Kate lacing her arm with his. He looked at her quizzily.

"These damn shoes are new and I can't walk properly" She explained, and he nodded.

"What do we do?" Castle asked, not sure how were they supposed to question a hundred people about a murder without drawing attention.  
She leaned in and whispered in his ear while grabbing a glass of wine for him another one for herself from a waiter passing by. Finally freeing his arm, allowing him to breath properly.

"I don't think that Gates suggestion is the smartest thing to do. I'm sure half of this people don't even know who is our vic, he and Mr. Powell kept their marriage to themselves and he didn't appear on the press once. I say we start with her and we decide from then on"

He grabbed his glass and gave a long sip, mostly because her closeness would make a number on him if he wasn't able to relax.

"Sounds good to me"

They advanced dodging the couples dancing and localized Rebecca Powell surrounded by a group of people. By fortune, Castle knew some of them. He felt a sharp pain on his left side, Beckett had elbowed him hard.

"Ah! Ouch! What was that for?" He whined.

"Undercover, Castle, remember? I'm not supposed to be here as a cop, but your escort."

"So…?" He said, not knowing what she was trying to say and still wrinkling his nose from her coup.

"So would you please stop acting like I have the plague, we have to keep up the appearances" She commanded in a low tone, in case anyone was listening.

"Uh- Oh- Ok" He mused, out of his usual eloquent self, and placed a hand on her waist when they reached the small crowd.

"Look who we have here!" Patterson said chuckling among other two men that he didn't recognize at that moment. He took advantage of the situation to get his friend to introduce him to Miss. Powell.

"Rebecca, this is Rick Castle and who I presume to be the inspiration of Nikki Heat, Miss Beckett?" They both nodded and Miss Powell stretched both of their hands.

"It's a pleasure" She said, with a fake smile not unusual in this kind of events.

They couldn't ask her about her ex-husband when she was surrounded by people, so they were forced to leave it by the moment and wait until she was alone, or better, with her actual fiancée.

Crossing again the dance-floor Beckett grabbed his arm and placed his hand on her waist again while she placed hers on his shoulder. She started to sway to the music while he looked puzzled at her.

"Again, what are you doing? I don't think this is necessary" Castle muttered, angry mostly with himself for not being able to control the power she had over him, even after all this time.

"Relax, Castle, this way we can observe and see if Miss. Powell is free to speak with" He hummed at the explanation. "What are you afraid of, by the way? It's not the first time we dance"

Castle thought about the last time. By then, the warmth of her closeness, her cherries scent and her unavoidable magnetism were like a kid's favorite candy for him; now it was torturous, like a shot for a former alcoholic.

"It's not the same" He said. He was sober now. "Why couldn't she drop it and leave him in peace?" He thought.

"Why is it different?" She whispered, brushing his ear with her lips. He couldn't think of more alcohol metaphors, he just wanted her to respect his limits. He could only think if she was at a reasonable distance from him. He was able to understand now those 'walls' she had around her heart to protect herself, because he had built up his own to protect himself from her. And she was poking on his wall, threatening with tearing it down. But no, he couldn't allow that, not after all the effort he had put on moving on.

Just when he was about to reply, he saw Miss Powell kissing a man on the lips, obviously her fiancée.

"Beckett, they are alone now, let's do it."

"Hello once again! Mr. Castle, Miss Beckett, this is my fiancé Glenn Carter" The man smiled at them in response.

After doing some small talk, Beckett decided to take the risk.

"Miss Powell, we heard about your ex-husband. We're so sorry"

"Oh! Yeah… Anthony was a good man. He was even friends with Glenn once he knew we were getting married, not everyone is able to that"

"Wow. Indeed. I didn't knew you were friends, Mr. Carter, sorry for you too, then"

"Thanks, we had a few differences but at the end we got along well. I can't believe what happened to him" The man looked genuinely sad for his loss; and they were both co-operating really well. Beckett had a sixth sense for this kind of things and he didn't believe either that neither of them did this. But he couldn't control his curiosity.

"Uh-differences?" Castle said.

"He punched my brother Jerry once. I had to take sides, you know…" Glenn chuckled and Rebecca looked at him strangely.

When he felt Beckett pinching his arm he knew she had figured out something. They excused themselves and sat on a table nearby with another two glasses of wine.

"Ok. She knows something, and I really want to know what role is playing Jerry Carter in all this. Let me use your phone, I forgot mine" Castle handled to her his iPhone and heard her talking with Ryan, ordering him to obtain information and track Mr. Carter.

They move along the people, keeping appearances, when Castle felt his phone buzzing, it was the guys again. Mr. Carter and the vic had indeed been involved in a fight, but there were no more interactions between the two of them since then. Even though, there was one thing out of the ordinary. Jerry Carter had booked a room in the Ritz for that night, although he wasn't invited to the party.

"Something weird is going on here." Castle said, just before they noticed Glenn Carter approaching their table.

"Hey, I wanted to say goodbye to you two, it's been a pleasure, Mr. Castle, Miss Beckett. Thank you for your condolences. Rebecca told me to thank you, too."

"She's not leaving?" Beckett said.

"No, she has some business talk to do yet." He said, smiling.

When he was gone, Beckett and Castle looked at each other intensely, their eyes sharing what they were lacking with words; it was their usual behavior when they were both elaborating theory about a case, they complemented each other, even finished each other's phrases. They made a perfect good team, and he had missed that terribly. He smiled and they started to throw out what they had both thought.

"After the divorce, Rebecca and Anthony ended up establishing a friendship…" Beckett began.

"So it wasn't a problem for him that she was dating another man, he even liked the guy. In fact, I liked him too, is too well-mannered"

"Castle, focus. If Rebecca was having an affair with Jerry and Anthony found out about it…"

"He could've threatened Jerry of telling Glenn!"

"They fought and Jerry convinced Anthony to keep his mouth shut, but he couldn't risk what was in stake, so he kills Anthony. Now we need proof"

"Would be enough proof finding Rebecca and Jerry together? Glenn has gone and Jerry has a room booked here!"

They both grinned widely at their sync, but where forced to step back from each other when they noticed their faces closer than they should.

Castle was so bottled building theory that he forgot about his own issues with her.

Looking around, Beckett tapped Castle's shoulder to draw his attention. Rebecca Powell was walking away from the crowd, making her way towards the reception. They waited for a while and, since they knew which room she was headed to thanks to the boys, they followed her.

They heard a door close in the hallway, Rebecca had entered the room. They needed to catch them with their hands in the dough, so they paced for a few minutes until they heard moans in the other side of the room.

Beckett was getting ready to bang the door, she would take her handcuffs from her thigh to arrest the man and they would all go home to sleep.

In an attempt of getting closer, he accidentally pushed her slightly, not strong enough to make her fall but to make her stumble. She hit a big pot with a flower and it fall to the floor, making a really loud sound, which sure was going to alert the two lovebirds in the room and interrupt them to check what was going on.

FUCK! He could've chosen another moment to make use of his clown feet. He wondered nervously looking for somewhere to run to. They heard heavy footsteps coming from the room. He had already turned away from the door, walked two steps towards another hallway when Beckett grabbed his arm to turn him around again. What the hell was she doing? They were going to get caught sneaking and then they won't get no proof! He looked at her with a big frown and started discussing.

"Beckett we need to get out of here! C'mon, he's going to-"He was whispering with desperation. The door was opening and he was freaking out.  
Just then, Beckett slammed herself to the wall while gripping his tie and pulling him towards her, effectively making their lips colliding. He tried to pull away, he really tried, but she was grabbing him by the lapels of his jacket and she had hooked a leg on his waist. He barely noticed a man chuckling behind them and the door closing again, but he did, and he tried to pull away again. She wasn't giving in. What the fuck? When she opened her mouth and let her tongue wet his lips he couldn't think anymore, she had freed his waist from her leg, but she was now running her hands through the back of his head, massaging his neck and playing with his hair, and he couldn't think, because back then when they shared that kiss in that alley, it was brief, it was harsh, it was so new he couldn't react. But oh, was he reacting now! He could feel everything that had remained locked in his memory, now intensified: her sweet taste, the softness of her lips, the sensations her wicked tongue were producing him, the smell of cherries invading him…

He couldn't help it, he finally gave in and opened his mouth as well, kissing her back, like he had wanted to since the first day they met. His hands found a place in her hip and the crook of her neck. They were impossibly close, the length of their bodies connecting. The kiss wasn't heated, but it was, if anything, intense, the thousands of words and feelings unsaid between them flowing freely. Their tongues were still battling; and his breath starting to get raged due to the need of air. Last time she was the one to pull away, now she was doing the opposite, encouraging him to deepen (if possible) the kiss.

When he couldn't hold his breath anymore he pulled back, this time she allowed it. He stepped backwards until his back hit the opposite wall, and he stared at the floor, not daring to look at her in the eyes, he would lose it again.

She had pulled his walls down, grabbed his heart and squeezed it painfully. All the effort he had invested in putting one foot in front of the other to move on and get over her was gone; now he had to start over again.  
He shook his head and managed to look at her again; she was staring at him intensely.

"Call Ryan and Esposito, we need them to bring these two to the station…" She said in a low voice.

He nodded and went pale when he grabbed his phone from his jacket and saw what was on the screen.  
Two missed calls from Hannah.

Shit.


	12. Chapter 12 (1)

**Author's note: Hey! Since I was late with the last chapter I decided I could offer at least the first part of the next one to balance a little. **

**Entreaties, prayers, insults or other claims? Review, please! **

**Enjoy the first part of chapter 12! **

* * *

_He nodded and went pale when he grabbed his phone from his jacket and saw what was on the screen.  
Two missed calls from Hannah._

_Shit._

* * *

He stared at the screen with astonishment; he absolutely forgot about calling Hannah that night, even though he told her he would. She didn't even know what was going on and that the undercover mission was with Beckett; "should I tell her about the… incident?" He wondered, but quickly dismissed the idea. What was to tell, anyway? This situation was exactly the same as the one at the alley; the kiss had occurred not to compromise their cover, after that, they got a little carried away but it didn't mean anything; that didn't change the fact that Kate Beckett didn't want anything from him and that he was moving on, and he would like to keep Hannah around in the process, she was good for him. The big question was, how was he going to fix this?

He must have been still for longer than he thought, because Beckett grabbed the phone from his hands, saw what he was staring at and made the call herself. When she hang up and handed it back, he noticed her right hand, why he had not noticed before? It wasn't extremely swollen, but it was perceptible if you paid attention, it was also reddish, and she may have been in pain.

"What happened to your hand?" He said with concern. He couldn't help it, he cared.

"Nothing" She answered in a rush. Staring intensely at her eyes and he could see in hers a glimpse of... what was that? Sadness, frustration… maybe both? He was so familiar with her expressions that she couldn't hide something was wrong even if she wanted to. Before he had the chance to insist, she took her gun from her thigh and kicked the door open.

The guys were there 10 minutes later and took the two suspects to the bullpen. Castle and Beckett took a cab to the precinct.

They questioned them and they were right. Jerry Carter had murdered Anthony Wilkins to cover his affair with Rebecca. He wasn't a nut particularly hard to crack; he must have been somehow weak of will after having sex with Miss Powell, Castle thought.

The case was solved; Beckett told Esposito and Ryan to go home, they were exhausted after being in the night shift three nights in a row, and she could fill the paperwork by herself. Once they left, Castle and Beckett were alone at the bullpen.

* * *

She sat on her desk and took off her impossibly tall stilettos. She felt like she had been rolled by a truck. Castle was pacing around the break-room waiting for the coffee machine to warm up and had that worried look on his face, and that made her want to smack herself from being so stupid of thinking that kissing would be enough.  
He had kissed her back, and it had been amazing; he had the ability to turn her knees into jelly with just his nearness; when he pulled back she was reduced to a puddle on the floor. But then she saw him… he was looking reluctant when he leaned on the wall, but his doubts seemed to intensify when he pulled out his phone…He was regretful. He stared at the device for 5 long minutes and she couldn't stand it anymore. When she took it and saw Hannah's missed calls on the screen, she could feel the Karma biting her, pinching her heart without mercy. Payback is a bitch. That was what he felt all the time when she was with Demming and Josh? God, she had been a monster with him.  
After that mind-blowing kiss, when she was feeling weightless because of all the emotions she had let out of her body, he was already regretting it because there was someone else in his life at the moment.

She needed to talk with him, let him know that the cover was only the excuse; tell him that she had wanted to kiss him just because, that she wanted him to be hers and hated just the thought of him with another woman. She made her way to the break room and found him fidgeting with his phone once again.

"What are you doing?" She said, trying to sound nonchalant. The coffee machine was ready, but he must have forgotten about it. She grabbed a coffee mug and pushed the button.

"Uh… Just trying to… I need to go make a call, I'll be right back" He was obviously nervous about the blonde, but this was her chance to talk about it, she couldn't quail now.

"Castle, wait" He turned over his heels to look at her when he was by the door frame.

"What?"

"It was an excuse" She mused, while looking at the floor. Talking about these things had never been easy for her, but she had to do it, and it had to be now.

"What was an excuse? What are you talking about?" She wasn't sure if he was playing dumb or really was that clueless, but opted for the second choice when she saw the puzzled look he had on his face.

"The cover" She said, trying to make him comprehend.

"I'm not sure I'm following" He replied, frowning. Although it was hard for her, she would have to make an effort and be clear, he was Castle, and he was worth the struggle. She turned off the machine and walked towards him, stopping when she was two steps from him.

"Castle… The kiss, the cover was an excuse. I wanted to do it, I wanted to kiss you" His eyes widened while listening to her and closed hard when she finished. She observed him while he ran a hand down his face.

"Why?" He muttered, and she remained silent. Words stuck inside her throat, not wanting to go out.

"Why, Kate?" He insisted; for the first time, her name sounded harsh coming out of his lips.

She swallowed hard and mentally smacked herself to start talking.  
"I don't know! I-You… Shit…Ok, here I go… When you were gone last month I figured some things out… I needed you, Castle. I missed my friend, I missed my partner and I realized that maybe I was missing something more from you. I… I think I may want you in my life as more than that, Rick" She used deliberately his first name to make emphasis on her speech. She tensed up, the cards were on the table and the importance of his next move made her vulnerable.

He stared at her with fire in his eyes and shook his head. He walked making circles across the room, and she waited until he stopped where he was at first and looked at her again.

"So you THINK you MAY want me as more than a friend, as more than a partner… I'll tell you why you THINK that, and I'll tell you why you kissed me, Kate. You want what you can't have, and guess what? I'm not an option. I'm not the man you choose when there's someone else interested in him. This is not a bid." His voice had been soft but sore; he stopped for a moment and sighed. "You're confused, go home and get some rest. I'll see you tomorrow."

She had listened to him with incredulity. Maybe she had chosen the wrong words, but seeing him with Hannah had only given her a sprain in the hand and a wave of jealousy, the feelings for him were there before that, but they had been hidden until now.  
She finally put up the courage to tell him what she felt and he didn't believe her?! Definitely, payback was a bitch. But she couldn't let him go now, if he wanted to leave and ran to Hannah's arms, she wouldn't stop him, but he was going to do it knowing the truth, believing her.

Before he could turn around again, she gripped him with her healthy hand.

"No, you're not leaving yet. Sit down" She forced him to sit in one of the chairs of the break room and this time she was the one pacing around, walking in circles around the room.  
"I'm not confused. Maybe I was some time ago, but not now. I know how I feel about you, Castle, and your new girlfriend has nothing to do with that, although my hand has suffered the consequences of her visit"  
She raised her injured hand for him to see. He was opening her mouth to talk, but she stopped him. "Don't, I'm not done yet"  
He nodded and she continued.  
"I kissed you today, and I was certainly not expecting you to doubt my feelings once I told you it was intentional. But you are, you doubt, and I can't blame you, I know it's my fault" She breathed hard for what was going next, the big revelation. She was sure he would get mad, but it was something necessary if she wanted 'them' to have a chance: no lies.  
"I heard you say you loved me last May" There were no words to describe his face. He stood up but didn't make a move towards the exit. If she wasn't quick he would go without letting her finish, she approached him slowly, while she kept talking.  
"I heard you, but I wasn't ready to face it until now. I'm sorry for lying to you, but I was afraid of losing you, Castle. If you keep any of those feelings, I'm willing to give 'us' a shot…" She was mere inches from him and he had his eyes shut like he did when he was terribly pissed off. She took a chance and kept closing the distance between their faces.  
"If you feel anything at all, think about it, Rick" She exhaled the last four words intentionally against his lips. She caressed his stubbly jaw with her fingers and closed the distance between them to give him a short, but sweet kiss.

He didn't move. When she pulled away, he opened her eyes and she noticed they were slightly blurry. He turned on his heels and left.

She knew that was going to happen, it was a lot to digest and she, better than anyone, could understand the urge to run away. He needed time, and she was willing to give it to him. She had been able to bare her soul to him and, for her it was already a success to know that he was aware of her feelings.


	13. Chapter 12 (2)

The Universe had some estrange frame-up against him, that was for sure.

He was raw and emotional, there was a lot to think about and he couldn't figure out how to start: Kate's revealed feelings, how she had known about his confession at the cemetery, Hannah...

The woman he had left upstairs wasn't the detective Beckett he knew, that was Kate, a part of her that he rarely was able to see.

What was he supposed to do? He felt angry with himself, he wasn't one to cheat, and although the thing he had with Hannah wasn't defined, the situation felt like he was betraying her. But... it felt so good. When Kate gripped his tie he was already lost; he had tried to keep up the distance between them for that exact reason. It was too much, he couldn't bear with her nearness, at the first contact with her lips he kissed her back with all his heart. Unlike that time in the alley, Kate was exploring his mouth as well, how could he not reciprocate? Her touch was intoxicating.

Back at the precinct he was a mess. His head was spinning and his mind was wandering back and forth from Hannah to Kate. In case it wasn't enough for one night, Kate decided that telling him she had been lying to him it was the right thing to do. Her excuse was bullet-shaped, and he couldn't compete with that. Again, the information was too much. When she kissed him again, Castle decided that enough was enough, he needed air.

Out of the precinct, he sat on a bench. He started feeling hot and dizzy. He took of his jacket and put his head on his palms, looking at the floor.

"Rick?" 'No. No. No. No. Not tonight' he thought. Any other time, Hannah's voice would have supposed music to his ears, but at that moment it made his head pound harder.

"Rick, are you OK? I was worried; you said you'd call and I had to come and see if you were fine" She sat beside him and touch his back. He made his best effort and raised his head to look at her. She was looking beautiful as ever, her eyes full of concern and she was rubbing his back. He look to the floor again as he felt a wave of guiltiness going up his stomach. Guiltiness and the last thing he had eaten, as it seemed.  
He stood up and ran towards the nearest bin to throw up, the two last glasses of wine didn't help to his current situation...

He heard Hannah approaching him. "Oh my God, Rick." She tried to put her hands on his head and forehead to support him but it was too disgraceful for him, he didn't want her to see him like this, touching him wasn't an option; he reached her arms with one hand and pushed them away from him.

"Don't. It's gross" He managed to say between spans.

"Rick, don't be silly. What can I do? You want me to call a cab?" The only thing he wanted was to stop vomiting and the world to swallow him.

Another pair of heels approached them quickly, a sound he knew very well. 'God, could the situation get more embarrassing?' he thought.

"What's going on?" He heard Beckett ask and Hannah answering her. "He's sick and won't let me touch him, he said it's gross. I thought I could call a cab and drop him home"

"No." She said cuttingly. And made her way towards him while he cleaned himself up with a handkerchief. She took the handkerchief and cleaned up his face slowly.  
"Hush" She said with determination, and leaned towards him to press her lips to his forehead. "Castle, you don't have a fever. You have to eat something and rest. I'll take you to the loft and prepare you something"

He shook his head and tried to pull her away as he did with Hannah, but Beckett smirked at his attempt. "For God's sake, Castle, we've faced death together, don't be such a girl. I can handle you sick."

She guided him to the Crown Vic and gave him a paper bag when he was sat down and buckled up. She kneeled beside him and whispered sweetly: "Here. If you feel like throwing up again, do it in the bag or tell me to stop. I'm going to take care of you, Castle; but first I have to deal with your Blondie" she smirked again and kissed his hair before closing the door.

God, he didn't even hear what she was saying; would everything stop spinning around him!?

* * *

She turned around to face Hannah, who had been watching them for a while with a big frown.  
"What are you doing?" she asked, dryly.

"I'm going to take him to the loft, I'm going to prepare him a hot soup and hand him a couple of pills so he can get some sleep and feel better. Any problem with that?"

"He's trying to move on, Kate, why don't you let him alone and stop acting like you're his girlfriend? I'm with him now, I should be doing that."

"It's Detective Beckett for you, and as far as I'm concerned, what you two have is undefined, so he's single."

Hannah laughed at her before talking. "How interesting, detective Beckett; he told me you weren't interested in him. So, why the struggle now? Why are you determined to separate us?"

"Hannah, there's no 'us' to separate, in my opinion, the one who is interfering is you. And so you know, I AM interested, but right now, I have to take care of my best friend, who happens to be sick, don't over think this. Have a good night"

Leaving Hannah standing there with her lips pursed in what Kate thought was anger, she got into the car and turned on the engine.

* * *

Once at the loft, Castle made his way to the bedroom and Kate took the chance to prepare him the soup. Since he wasn't coming back, she picked up a tray and carried it to the bedroom.

She placed it in the bedside table and knocked the bathroom door. "Castle, are you Ok?" She heard spans and entered. He was bent on the toilet and obviously with any food left in the stomach. He was shirtless and if he weren't sick she would have stared in silence for a while to admire his broad and muscled shoulders.

She approached him and caressed his bare back: "Hey, you need to eat something to take the pills. There's nothing else you can throw up. C'mon" She grabbed his hand and sat him on the bed to drink the soup while she took a wet towel to relieve his dizziness. He drink half of it and placed it on the tray again before leaning on the headboard of the bed. She squeezed the towel on her forehead and he seemed to thank the cold sensation. On her part, seeing some of the droplets falling from his temple to his stubbly jaw, to the expanse of his chest evoke no cold feelings at all.

But she had to give him time. And space. After handing him the pills she took his hand. "Castle you should try to get some sleep now. I'll be in the guest room if you need anything" She saw him get out of his slacks and into the bed in just his underwear, but again, he needed time and space. She took one of his superhero tees and got comfortable on said room, waiting for sleep to catch her.


	14. Chapter 13

**Author's note: As always, thank you all for the much appreciated reviews, they make my day.  
I'd like to apologize about the confusion I caused the other day, I made an update but didn't like where the story was headed or the pessimistic flair it had, so I decided to write an alternative chapter and liked the second one better.**

I hope you enjoy this one.

**Disclaimer: I don't own Castle.**

* * *

_But she had to give him time. And space. After handing him the pills she took his hand. "Castle you should try to get some sleep now. I'll be in the guest room if you need anything" She saw him get out of his slacks and into the bed in just his underwear, but again, he needed time and space. She took one of his superhero tees and got comfortable on said room, waiting for sleep to catch her._

* * *

The next morning he was feeling strangely good in comparison to the day before. He woke up, got a much-needed shower and brushed his teeth. He had some things to think about but at the moment he was enjoying the lacking nausea and the dizziness that the stress and the wine provoked.

He had no intention of going to the precinct that day, so he put on a pair of navy-blue sweatpants and a white superman tee. He noticed his favorite one was missing and instantly remembered Beckett saying she was going to stay over in the guest room. She might have been one of the reasons (if not the main one) that made him sick yesterday, but she had taken care of him and he was thankful that she had stayed for him. He made his way to the kitchen to prepare some breakfast for the two of them: two cups of coffee, a pair of bagels and some fruit.

He was surprised that Kate wasn't awake yet, but that woman rarely had five hours of sleep on a good day, so he decided to let her rest as much as she could. The solid part of the breakfast was prepared, and he was making the coffee when he saw Beckett going down the stairs, wearing his missing Flash red t-shirt and, if he wasn't mistaken, his grey boxers. The sight was, if anything, alluring, but years of seeing this woman had taught him to keep a straight face. She was showing too much skin, and he was really proud of himself for not having anything on his mouth he could have choked with.

"Good morning" He said.

"Likewise. Did I smell coffee?" She said with a sleepy smile.

"Yes, you did, detective." He handed her the cup. "I've prepared some breakfast, I'm not going to the precinct today, but you'll need some energy" He explained.

"In fact, when I informed Gates yesterday about the case she gave me the morning off"

"That's good." They stood in silence for a while and Castle decided to break it. "You look good on my clothes" He said, matter-of-factly.

"Uh-Yeah, sorry, Castle; it was this or the dress from the party"

"It's ok. Look, Beckett, I'd like to thank you for taking care of me yesterday"

She seemed thoughtful for a moment before responding. "You're welcome, Castle, but there's no need"

Once they were finished with breakfast, Castle was a little expectant; what was she going to do? Was she going to leave? Where they supposed to discuss what happened the day before in that moment? He didn't have to wonder for long, because she sat up from her stool and talked.

"Can I use your shower before I go? I checked the guest's bathroom but there was no soap or anything" 'I guess we go with option A' he thought.

"Sure. You know where everything is, go ahead."

When he heard the water running he also heard a knock on the door. He knew who it was, but not what he was going to tell her. He opened the door to receive a quizzed Hannah.

"Hey, come in" She kissed him on the cheek and entered the loft.

"How are you today?"

"Much better, sorry for the show from last night…"

"Don't worry" She gave him a half-hearted smile.

She sat on the coach and gestured him to sit beside him. He complied.

"Rick, did Beckett told you about our little… conversation yesterday?"

"No, we didn't talk very much. I just thanked her for her help and she's showering at the moment" He explained

"What? She stayed here?" She said with incredulity.

"Hannah, she slept on the guest room" He touched her shoulder trying to making comprehend that it wasn't what she was thinking.

"But… what she said yesterday… Rick I couldn't stop thinking about it. And now she's here?! I don't know what to think" Her voice was low, sad.

"I would really like to enlighten you, but I don't know what you're talking about. What did she said?" He was clueless, and not being informed made him anxious.

"She said that we hadn't defined our relationship, and that I had no rights over you because of that. She also said that she was interested in you and that she thought I was the one interfering between the two of you…"  
Castle's eyes widened to unknown limits. That was so… Un-Beckett? But again, the woman from yesterday was more Kate than Beckett, and she was emotional, and impulsive. It didn't surprise him as much as it could have some time ago, but he was certainly shocked by her bold movement with Hannah. She had told her? God, this was out of hand.

He sighed loudly and talked with honesty. "Ok, about the first thing… she might be right, Hannah, we never defined anything. I was aware of the second one. And about interfering… there's really nothing to interfere in"

"Wah, what? You knew?" She was obviously really jealous and pissed with him, but he made no comment. He was feeling light-headed today and didn't want to ruin it.

"She told me yesterday." He said, trying to soften her mood.

"And that's why you forgot about me- about calling me." She corrected herself, and that made him feel a little guilt. It was true, he forgot about her.

"Tell me, Rick. You forgot about it because you were with her?"

"I was with her, but I don't know if those two things are strictly related. Look, Hannah, I'm sorry I forgot, but I was… busy. I should have called you, you were worried…" Things were about to get bad and he knew it, but she had to know, and he wasn't going to lie to her when she asked.

"Yes, I was worried. And now I'm hurt and confused, Rick. Did something happen?"

And there it was. He knew it would be, but he didn't know what was going to happen once she knew.

"We kissed" He said, in an apologizing tone. Hoping she would give him the chance to explain the situation. He observed her trying to anticipate to her next move.

She didn't say anything. Just stared at him, and then behind him. What was she looking at? He turned his head and saw Beckett standing by the door of his study wearing nothing but a really short towel.

"Sorry, I wasn't aware that Hannah was here" She returned to the bedroom and left them alone again.

"It's so not what you think." Castle said quickly.

Hannah stood up, looked at the floor and then to his eyes again.

"Rick, what do you want from me?" She asked coyly.

"Wow. Hannah, that's a big question… I don't know, I want…"

He was interrupted by the sound of Beckett's heels emerging from the bedroom again; she was wearing the dress of the night before and was stomping through the living room.

"I'm leaving now, so you can talk. Castle thanks for the breakfast…" Kate said with a warm smile.

Castle looked from Kate to Hannah without knowing what to do. Stand up; hug Beckett for taking care of him, for being so sincere with him finally? Stay with Hannah and keep discussing the helluva question she had surprised him with? Hannah stared at him with a puzzled look, but also hurt when she looked at Kate; what was that supposed to mean?

"Detective Beckett, wait. I was just leaving, you don't have to go"

"But Han-"Castle started saying, but she cut him. "No, Rick, it's ok, I'll call you later, you need to figure out some THINGS, before we can have this conversation" She looked deliberately at Kate, putting emphasis on the word 'things', knowing she was what was clouding his mind about their possible relationship; and Kate looked back at her, surely as confused as Castle.

She made her way towards Beckett and then to the door, closing it slowly behind her.

He looked at Beckett, their eyes reflecting what the other was thinking: 'now what?'

In fact, Hannah was right, he needed to sort some things out and those things implied talking with Beckett, so he decided it would be better for him to broke the uncomfortable silent they were submerged in, once again. Kate was still beside the door, surely doubting if she should leave as well.

"M…What if I give you some clothes again and we sat for a while?" Castle suggested.

"That would be great" She said, grinning widely. Because he wasn't mad at her for lying, or backing off by her feelings. He was willing to talk with her, and that meant a lot to her, now that she had finally put on the courage to express her feelings. Dr. Burke would be really proud of her, maybe she should make an appointment just to show him her progress. She took off her heels once again and accompanied him to his bedroom.

* * *

"Pick your poison" Castle said, with a SW black t-shirt hanging from his left hand and a Green Lantern one from his right hand.

She took the second one and he offered her a pair of sweats, so she could be more comfortable.

When she was settled on the couch he appeared with an ice bag and handed it to him: "Use this, I noticed your hand is still swollen"

She smiled at the gesture and took the bag. He sat beside her, keeping a prudent distance from her, but she understood that she was in no position to demand his nearness.

"So… about your conversation with Hannah yesterday…"

Shit. She told him.

"Are you mad?"

"No, Beckett, I'm not mad, but I'm having some trouble trying to comprehend what's going on with you. I told Hannah about the kiss, and she wasn't even pissed. Well, I guess she was, but she was more focused on what you two talked about. Why now, Beckett? Why are you doing this all of a sudden?"

"I think you already know that, don't you?"

"Do I? Kate, you ignored me for 4 years…"

"I know, Castle; that's why I'm willing to give you the time you need to consider things, it's the least I can do" She moved closer to him on the coach so that their knees were touching. "I understand your doubts, but what else can I do? If I could go back I would…"

He stood still and looked at her. "When did you know?"

"Two years ago I was going to tell you that I broke up with Demming and that I wanted a chance… But you left with Gina before I could." Castle stared at her with incredulity, his mouth fall open; he couldn't articulate at all, but he tried. "Kate… I-I'm so sorry. "He whispered.

"Yeah… I was so mad at you. Then I started with Josh… And after the kiss at the alley, I started feeling different again towards you, even Josh noticed, but didn't say anything until we were done"

Kate went to the kitchen and brought him a glass of water; it was a lot to digest.

"When did you break up with Josh? And why?" He asked when he was able to talk. In fact, he was curious about that. Lanie told him they weren't together anymore on his first day back, but he didn't ask Beckett directly what happened.

She wasn't answering at first, so he insisted.

"Please, tell me"

She sighed loudly.

"It was about three weeks ago… And the reason is simple, we fought over you. I was kind of distracted since you left"

"That's when you started thinking about being with me?"

"No… That was later; something my father told me made me wonder... The only thing he regrets is that my mother and he wasted too much time playing around and fooling themselves before getting together. That's how I realized how stubborn and reckless I had been, I didn't want to waste more time with you, Castle, and when I thought I could make a move… there was Hannah. Well, there IS Hannah"

"Yeah, Hannah…" He mused, absent-minded.

"What?" She asked, concerned, because he was obviously having problems to deal with all the information at once. "Castle, you can talk to me. I'm your friend and partner before anything else"

"I don't know Kate, I don't know… She's great, and I'm sure I could love her someday if I tried, but I cannot stop wondering what kind of relationship we're headed to if that's the case. She's so young… I mean… she's so inexperienced in life, she's has yet to learn a lot of things, and she'll always be halfway from where I am, because I keep making mistakes and learning from them too. But she had also made me laugh when I most needed during these weeks, and she's so kind… God, this is so difficult…"

He leaned his head on the couch and closed his eyes while Kate widened hers at his last statement; the mature side from Castle wasn't what she was expecting at all.

"Castle, what do you want?" He raised his head and looked at her with a serious face.

"Right now I'd want the world to stop and give me the time I need to think… But above all, what I'd really want is not to make a mistake when I finally decide to take a chance on one of you and risk my heart, because it can make me the happiest man alive or wound me to depths I've yet to know"

He stood up and took his phone, which was buzzing on his pocket. "It's Alexis, I have to get this" She nodded and watched him go.

She was astonished. The fact that he wrote books for a living didn't make her goose bumps disappear. Because he was such a child most of the time, this facet of Castle and his way with words always made her knees weak. She couldn't remember the last time he had been so open with her, maybe because he hadn't been that open at all, and she was captivated.

If there was a chance for her, she was going to take it. After all, she had nothing to lose: their friendship was strong enough to make it through a failing attempt of romance; but there was a lot to win, she was convinced that they would be excellent together. If they worked as good in a relationship as they did in everything else, there was no doubt.

She smiled from ear to ear, thinking how good it could be.

Definitely, he was worth the try.

* * *

**Ok, I know how you feel about all the 'cat fight' thing, but hey! I can't please everybody, and I'm trying to make Beckett a little more tenacious. **

**I'd like to know your interests for the story:**

** 1) Who would you like Castle to end up with?**

** 2) I'm weighing whether to add some smut or not, are you up to it?**

**Thank you all! I'll update as soon as possible. **


	15. Chapter 14

**Author's note: Hey guys! I'm alive! I'm really sorry it took me so long to update, but I started with my finals and the equivalent of the ACT/SAT in USA here in Spain, then I went on vacation and that meant no PC. So... Again, I'm really sorry for the delay. From now on I have nothing else to do, so I'm willing to update more often. **

**I'm not very happy with this chapter, but I reached a difficult point in the story and had to make some decisions, that some of you aren't going to like. **

**Anyway, hope you enjoy it.**

**PD: As always, any grammatical crime will be welcome by PM so I can reedit.**

* * *

If_ there was a chance for her, she was going to take it. After all, she had nothing to lose: their friendship was strong enough to make it through a failing attempt of romance; but there was a lot to win, she was convinced that they would be excellent together. If they worked as good in a relationship as they did in everything else, there was no doubt._

_She smiled from ear to ear, thinking how good it could be. _

_Definitely, he was worth the try._

* * *

Castle emerged from the office looking happy and carefree, like most of the times he talked with Alexis. Since the first time she saw that look on his eyes while talking about his daughter, she was mesmerized by it.

"How's Alexis?" Beckett asked.

"She has finished her exams and is coming over for the weekend" He said eagerly.

"Castle, that's great! You miss her a lot, don't you?"

"You have no idea" He answered, a little nostalgic.

His love for his daughter was one of her weak spots. The contrast between his inner child and his concerned and loving father facet made her melt. She forced herself to stay still and not hug and kiss him all over, he needed to think, and it would be quicker on it if she left. She couldn't stay when his beloved daughter had called and he was missing her badly, that was taking advantage, and Kate Beckett wasn't one to disrespect the rules. She stood up and looked at him, while placing a hand on his strong shoulder.

"Castle, I should go" She squeezed his arm when she noticed his quick attempt to reply. He almost seemed like he didn't want her to go, but she wasn't really keen on getting her hopes up.

"Really, It's for the best" She said with a reassuringly smile, and made her way towards the bedroom to, once again, get changed. A couple of minutes later they were at the front door.

His expression was bittersweet, like the situation. She ran her index down his stubbly jaw and contained her impulse to step any closer, mostly to preserve her own sanity. "Have a nice day, Castle"

"Likewise" He managed to say, but Kate was already gone.

* * *

Just like he had been at the very beginning of all that chaos, he was laying on his bed, touching the cold space beside him. He was alone, but this time, he had the option not to.

Hannah and Kate were both giving him time and space, and yet, he felt more pressure the more they tried to help him by pulling away.

In situations like that, he almost missed his Lothario times; a one-night-stand from time to time kept him accompanied and no one ever got hurt. Well, at least he didn't care if any of those women's feelings were being compromised by then, as long as he was fine.

"The heart wants what the heart wants", but oh if only were that simple. Yeah, the heart wants what the heart wants but who's not afraid of rejection, of heartbreak…? His heart had already been through multiple cracks; it was fragile. His doubts were justified: no one would ever willingly expose his feelings and choose between two magnificent women when his future was in stake, at least now without a little hesitance.

On the one hand, he had always envisioned a future with Beckett, but she kept him at arm's length and now, when he was finally accepting the reality, that their relationship's nature where just friendly, she wants 'a chance'. He had to chuckle at the irony of the situation. If someone would have told him years ago that he was going to be the prey instead of the hunter with Katherine Beckett he probably would have laughed at his face for being so ridiculous.

On the other hand, it would be hypocrite of him to kick Hannah out of his system without even trying something with her; it would suppose doing to her what Beckett did to him. He felt bad because of that; Hannah had been anything but cheerful and considerate with him and he had answered with doubts.

For a man who likes poker as much as him, he could say that his playing had been mediocre until now.

Hannah left that morning to give him the chance to talk with Beckett and sort some things out. It would be just fair to fill her in with what was going on, and with some luck, she would tell him how she was feeling.

* * *

He was by her front door 20 minutes later, expecting a sad or stressed Hannah, like he had the last few days. She opened after the third knock, indeed stressed and nervous.

"Hello, Rick" She said quickly, inviting him in.

"Hi. How are you doing?" He was concerned, mostly because it was his fault.

"I've been better, I've been worse. Did you sort some things out with detective Beckett?" Castle's eyes widened at her eagerness, so not usual in her. "Sorry I'm going straight to the point, Rick, but with what happened yesterday and this morning, I think it's justified"

They sat on her kitchen stools, facing each other.

"I understand, Hannah, but if you want answers I'm afraid I'm not bringing any of it." He apologized.

"Oh… Then what- then what brings you here?" She hesitated, looking at her hands.

"I realized that with the entire situation, you never told me what you feel in regards of what happened with Beckett, or me, by the way"

She raised her head to meet his eyes. "I have to say that I'm somehow pissed, but not surprised… I had a hunch, you know? That something would happen between the two of you".

She sighed and continued. "I'm really glad I met you Rick, I think you're a very interesting person and I like you, but I can't keep up with whatever this is if you don't feel the same"

"I like you too, Hannah, trust me. The thing is… when Beckett kissed me, most of the feelings I was trying to forget came back to me, and as hard as I'm trying to ignore them, I can't"

Hannah stood up from the stool and walked around the table until she was standing beside him. He turned around to face her, impossibly confused by the look on her face, which was giving nothing away. She started to lean forward and his breath hitched on his throat by the realization, she was getting really close, she was going to kiss him, and he didn't know if he was prepared for that at that very moment.

She gripped his shirt and pulled him from the stool. Hannah kept cutting distance between them and started whispering against his lips. He was too shocked to do or say anything to stop her; he didn't even know if he wanted to stop her, because there were still so many doubts in his mind.

"It's so unfair, Rick. She kisses you and that's enough to make you feel and forget about me. I want my chance too, to make you forget about her." Her sweet breath caressed him while her lips brushed his. Not sure of what he was supposed to say, he stood still.

She closed the millimeters between their lips and grabbed him by the hair at the back of his head. Her lips were trying to access his mouth, still not moving. He started to enumerate the thousands of reasons why this wasn't a good idea at the moment, but just when he was regaining some reason, she brushed his lower lip with her tongue, softly biting it and then sucking it to smooth the bite. He had doubts, and he wasn't sure of how that was happening at all, but he was a man, he had a pulse, and he wasn't capable of thought when she did that. He just let go, and focused on the task of kissing her back.

His lips started moving at the pace of hers, but quickly became impatient; she was rubbing his sides with her hands, pulling from his hips so they collided with hers. He groaned and grabbed her by the waist to position her on the kitchen table, with him between her thighs. He gripped her soft blond hair and forced her to move her head to give him more space. He started licking and biting her clavicle and neck, and got bolder when he heard her moan as he reached her earlobe and took it between his teeth.

Lacing her legs by his waist, she grinded her hips against his, and he helped her to do it again by grabbing her ass and setting his pace. Things were becoming serious at light speed, and he wasn't aware of that. Not until he felt her fingers dealing with the bottoms of his shirt. As if he had seen a ghost, he stopped every kind of movement he was doing. He felt his shirt falling to the floor and Hannah kissing his chest. How had things escalated so quickly? He looked at her: her lips were swollen; her face blushed from the heat of the moment and her hands were starting to deal with her own clothes. No, he wasn't sure why he was doing this, but he had to stop it as soon as he could. He took her by the wrists to make her stop removing clothes, she was in underwear by that moment, and if he kept that up, he wasn't sure if he could stop himself.

He took a step back, and watched her watch him with incredulity. "Rick, what are you doing?" She said, breathless.

He didn't hear her, because his gaze was fixated on her chest, looking for a scar that belonged to another woman's body and he was expecting to see there. That scar was the reminder of the day in which he almost gave his life to save Kate's; the day in which he told her that he loved her. He knew he would give his life to protect Alexis, but he never imagined he would be capable of feeling such devotion with anyone else aside his daughter. He could love Hannah, but there were a lot of types of love; it would be affection, lust, taking the easy path.

"Rick?" Hannah's voice made him came back to reality. He looked at her and instantly regretted getting so carried away.

"Hannah, I can't do this" He stated.

She laughed bitterly and got off the table. "I wish I could understand you, Rick, but I really don't. It seemed like you could do this a few minutes ago"

"I'm sorry…" He couldn't say anything else, because he was too embarrassed by his caveman display, incapable of controlling his instincts.

"I am, too. Where you thinking of her? That's why you stopped?" Her voice was harsh, cold. Not like the Hannah he was used to.

"It's complicated" He said, and she laughed again with that bitter tone.

"Great, now you're giving me the typical break-up phrases" She shook her head, bent to take his clothes from the floor and handed them to him. "Rick, please, leave"

"Hannah, let me explain myself." She nodded slightly and he managed to talk. "You're incredible, and I'm really thankful that you've been by my side all this time, but I don't see this relationship going as far as I would like it to go" He admitted

"That's because of your beloved detective?"

"No. At least not directly…Hannah, I'm really sorry. Believe me... " He saw her shook her head again, and a glimpse of moisture on her eyes. He step forward instinctively, to offer her comfort, but she pushed him backwards again.

"Don't" She said. "Just go, please?" She turned around and made her way to her bedroom; when he attempted to follow her she turned again and shouted "Rick, leave me fucking alone, would you?!" He did as he was told.

* * *

Once at his loft again, he felt like shit for hurting Hannah. He didn't know what to expect of his visit, but surely not ending things like that.

He couldn't leave the precinct again, he had only been there for a couple of cases, but he needed some time, and Alexis was coming to town. Maybe he could get away with his daughter to the Hamptons for the weekend…

The thought of spending some quality time with Alexis away from the city had never looked more alluring to him. He couldn't tell Beckett what happened with Hannah just yet, he couldn't handle if she got hurt too because of him, and there was something at the back of his head that told him that she would reconsider things and go back to rejecting him, like she had always done. As much as he wanted her to remain un-hurt, he wasn't willing to get hurt himself. He feared her decisions and the consequences, because if he took the risk and failed that would be the end of him. Until he was sure that she wasn't going to change her mind, he wasn't going to think about the possibility of Kate Beckett loving him; it was enough ridiculous to think it, he couldn't bear believing it.

He texted her: "I'm going away for a week, see you when I come back" He knew it was a little cold for him, but again, he didn't want to cause confusion; there was still a lot to think about, for both of them.

* * *

Days later, she was still pondering on his text message. She was aware that Alexis was coming to town, so his getaway on the weekend was justified, but the whole week? She spent those days doing paperwork, bored and concerned for equal. On Monday, she knew that Alexis had gone back to the campus, and her head pounded with just the thought of Castle with Hannah. Had he made a decision without telling her? She couldn't eat nor sleep properly, and she knew that Lanie and the boys were preoccupied about Castle's absence and Kate's mood.

On Wednesday she was paranoid, almost sure that he had gone with Hannah. He hadn't made a single call and that only happened once, when he was with Gina at the Hamptons. That assumption made her more anxious and she could only be perplexed when she saw Hannah sneaking by the elevator door and walking towards her desk.

"Uh… Hannah?" She said, although it was barely audible.

"Detective Beckett" Hannah answered politely. Beckett waited reluctant, hoping the blonde woman would talk first, because she wasn't sure what to say.

"I'm looking for Rick; I need to talk to him"

"Em… I thought he was with you, he took the week off" She mused

"I haven't known anything of him for days; I came here to apologize to him"

Kate's mouth opened widely, she had been so wrong. Of course Castle would've told her if he had made a decision. Wait, did she just said 'apologize'? Did something happen?

"I should get going. Goodbye, detective" Hannah turned on her heels and started walking towards the elevator.

"Hey! Wait! What happened? You said you wanted to apologize."

Hannah turned to faced her and smirked.

"It's none of your business" She stated, and Beckett looked at the floor with frustration. She hadn't known of Castle for five days and the only person who knew something wasn't willing to tell her what happened. Hannah must have read her frustration and sighed loudly before explaining herself. "He broke up with me, and I kicked him of my house. That's why I wanted to apologize. But I thought you would be aware of the situation by now…" Beckett couldn't talk, she wanted to say something but she couldn't. Hannah turned once again. "Have a nice day" She said, and walked away, leaving an astonished Beckett sitting on her desk.

He's not with Hannah, literally and in any other way. Why hadn't he told her!? Does that mean he's given up on her, too?

She spent a good 40 minutes wondering what she was going to do. He must have gone to the Hamptons, but would it be wise to go there without his knowledge? After all, if he had wanted her there he would have called her. The more she thought about it the more confused she was, and the more she wanted to obtain some answers. She needed to know what was going on with him. She took her purse and her car keys. She had already seen a lot of opportunities pass in front of her nose. Time waits for no one, and she wasn't going to let Castle get away from her now that she had put up the courage to give 'them' a chance.


	16. Chapter 15

**Author's note: Hi folks! I owe you an enormous apology for the delay; I've been on vacation and no Wi-Fi means no update... This chapter has been written for a while; your response may determine if this is the last one or not. At first I thought there would be two more to go, but I abandoned the story like a puppy in an oil station and I would completely understand if this is enough.**

* * *

His Hamptons' house had never been that silent. Well, maybe it had, but he had never had the chance to truly appreciate it until now. Castle was currently swimming in his large pool, trying to decompress, it had been a hell of a week and he needed to go away, so silence was exactly what he sought.

He had been away for five days now. The weekend was easy to handle, Alexis was there and he had no words to say how much he had missed her. They had a great time and he also filled her in with his situation; as always, she had been anything but supportive, although she decided not to give his father any advice on this one, claiming that it would be better for him.

Once Alexis was gone, his mood went downhill; he couldn't stop thinking what was awaiting him back in NY.

First, he had to talk with Kate, tell her what has been going on, but did not have the desire to do it or the certainty of what he would say, so it wasn't something he was looking forward to…

And second but not less important, he had to apologize with Hannah for breaking up like he did and acting like a jerk. Although he had received a couple of text's from her, claiming that she was the one who should apologize for being uncomprehending; Castle knew better.

He hated that Hannah had gotten hurt in the end. His relationship with her could've been different; they could've been together for the long haul and, while he was aware that it wouldn't have been 'magical', he could've loved her, and she could've loved him back.

But no, Beckett had to make her appearance. And more than the fact that she decided to intervene and confess her feelings in the worst moment ever, what really got on his nerves was that she was going to regret everything and go running to the hills in no time. He didn't doubt that she had a thing for him, her eyes, her attitude and her words assured him that; but all those years with her had taught him that Katherine Beckett had a compromise with herself and no one else; she wasn't going to commit with him.

Like he said when they first met, it would've been great, and it still could be: there would be laughs, kisses and lots of sex. And, oh, he was SO in for those things with her but… for how long would that last? Two months, three maybe? Three enjoyable months and then what? She would back off with lame excuses, because he knew her, and she would do that, she would leave him and re-break his heart, and then there would be no possible healing.

While going out of the pool he groaned at the thought. He grabbed a towel and sat on the hammock.

Yes, that was exactly why he was upset. He had given up on Hannah because there was still too much Kate on him to continue that relationship. It wasn't the first relationship that had failed because of that, probably wasn't going to be the last, and it wouldn't have been a real issue if Kate wouldn't have reciprocated. This was different; Kate wanted him. And now that he had a taste of her, there was no going back.

He if he allowed himself to make 'them' happen, he would have her for a while, and then be forced to live with the biggest scar ever known. He couldn't let that happen. As much as he loved her, she hated her now too, because she had condemned him, and a third person in the process had been hurt in the meantime.

He let out a bitter laugh at the situation. Maybe ten years back he would've been happy with a situation of no attachments. Now he stared as his old self with distress; how wrong he had been and how much he was paying for that mistake…

* * *

He put on his pj's and, on his way to the kitchen to grab something to eat, he heard the doorbell ring. It was a common thing in the Hamptons to have the security guard checking in some days, so Castle opened the door without thinking.

Saying that he was shocked to see Kate Beckett standing on his doorframe would be an understatement. The shock was quickly replaced with confusion. He owed her some explanations but, after pondering on the situation and his future, he wasn't sure if he was prepared to talk with her, nor if he wanted to.

He knew he was already fucked: Josh and Hannah were gone; for once, the timing was right; he loved her and she liked him (she even said it out loud). They could finally be together, give their holding pattern a shot.

Many people would question his trail of thoughts and ask what was wrong with him, because that situation was almost idealistic. He would gladly answer that while he was a hundred percent involved now, she wasn't. Those familiar with finances will understand that investing all you have is crazy. If something goes wrong, you'll be broke in an eye-blink. This was the same: he was fucked.

"Castle, I-" Were the only words she managed to say before he closed the door shut, having heard enough.

After a good two minutes trying to regain the composure with deep breaths, he heard the doorbell again. Okay, she wasn't going to leave. He had to make things clear, and soon. This time, he was the one talking once he had opened the door.

"Come in". He commanded. Still gaping at him with confusion and hesitance, she went into the house, apparently glad that he had let her in so they could talk about their "circumstance". But he was having none of it. "I'm not going to make you drive all the way back, because I know it takes a while to get here." She was perplexed now, obviously not expecting him to say that.

"I'm going to cook and make us something to eat, and then you can use any of the spare rooms".

* * *

Kate followed him to the kitchen and watched him while he prepared a salad and a pair of steaks for dinner. She hadn't said a word since he slammed the door on her face; mostly because she came to the Hamptons looking for answers, to know if he had agreed to give 'them' a chance, and she had been welcomed with a Castle that only wanted to get rid of her and, instead of answers, more questions. She started with the easy one:

"Castle, I don't know if there's an appropriate way to say this, but really… What the fuck?"

He looked up from the pan and answered calmly but firm. "Kate, not now".

His response was the last drop for Kate, sick of his evasive attitude.

For four years she was the one always denying the possibility of something between them, and she would always regret her stubbornness; but even though the blame was partly on her, she was beginning to get upset by him pushing away constantly when she had finally come to her senses; her anger was obvious:

"Don't 'not now' me, Castle. Would you just explain to me what's going on? I thought things got pretty clear in regards to us when we talked the other day, then you disappear, and your now ex-girlfriend comes to my work place today asking for you when I had absolutely no idea that the two of you were done. What's that supposed to mean for us? Why didn't you tell me about Hannah?"

He retired the pan from the fire and glared at her with dark, cold eyes. He might have spent four years studying her, but she was pretty familiar with his expressions too, and she was damn sure that he was also pissed with her; badly.

"First, there's not such a thing as 'us' between you and me, Kate, and I'm afraid there won't be. Second, I said 'not now' and I meant it, I'm not in the mood, ok?" He let his words sink before continuing; the hurt in Kate's eyes after his first statement must have been evident for him, because his expression somehow softened. He took a plate from the cupboard and served the food. "I'm not hungry anymore, you can have this" he said, placing said thing in front of her.

Kate felt the first tears began to fall from her blurry eyes. That's it? 'There's not such a thing as 'us' and I'm afraid there won't be', he had said, and hearing it made her heart break a little with each word. She fisted her hands; her nails almost drawing blood. What he was implying was the very same thing she had been scared about. He was done, and as upset as she was because he hadn't talked to her in almost a week, right now the pain of his possible loss clouded all those feelings. He had given up on her. There was no other explanation. Didn't he love her anymore? All her muscles stiffened at the thought, and a big knot found residence on her chest, making breathing a hell of a job. Her heart aching, swelling beneath the scar. It didn't take long for her to start sobbing the pain away. Tears streaming down her cheeks.

Castle had been avoiding looking at her, and was already making his way out of the kitchen, but he had no other choice than to turn around when he heard her crying, it was stronger than him.

Kate felt the knot on her chest occluding her throat when she tried to talk, but if this was the end, she couldn't keep lying to herself anymore; and not him either.

When she felt his hand on her shoulder she opened her eyes (she hadn't notice that she had closed them shut).

"Kate…" He managed to say before she interrupted him. She knew he was about to apologize for making her cry, but that wasn't necessary, all that she wanted was to take the load she had been carrying for three years now. She was ready to let what was hiding beneath her hard-cop walls come out.

"Castle, I just…" It came out like a tiny whimper, barely audible. Swallowing hard and drying as much tears as she could; she managed to say what she had to say. Not her pride, not her stubbornness… Those things were obsolete in that moment and couldn't stop her heart from manifesting. She looked at him, her hazel eyes getting lost in his blue ones. She held his hand with both of hers.

"Castle, I love you". She sighed loudly.

* * *

Again, saying that he was shocked would be an understatement. Kate Beckett didn't cry like that in front of anyone. Kate Beckett didn't express her feelings. Kate Beckett couldn't love him.

He kept repeating the last thing like a mantra in his head. He took away his hand from hers and his muscles tensed. What was he supposed to say? He couldn't even believe her. He knew her and knew what was going to happen, and he had to make her understand that.

"Beckett" She was still crying but the sobbing had stopped. "Kate, listen to me. You don't, ok? You think you do but you don't. I can't let this happen"

Kate shook her head. "Why?" She replied, and hesitated a little before continuing. "Why did you stop loving me, Castle? I need to know. Just…"

WHAT?!

"I still do, Kate" He assured her; there was no point in denying it, and hurting Kate by omitting that was the last thing he wanted to do.

"Then why are you pulling away? And why won't you let me love you?" Her eyes sparkling because of moisture and her face reddish from the struggle of talking with that giant lump on her throat. It broke his heart to see her like that, so insecure and hurt. But it was all due to confusion, and he was struggling to find some way to let her know that she wasn't truly in love, that it wasn't her nature, that she would leave and make him miserable if he succumbed to this.

"Isn't that what you do? You pull away, you ran when you're afraid that something might hurt you, don't you? You're going to hurt me if I let you in, Kate, because you don't really love me…" He explained, calmly, letting his words sink, but still with difficulties. "I won't let 'us' happen because I know how it's going to end". He walked away from her and leaned on the back of the couch, she was standing three steps away from him.

"You can't know that" She hissed, and it sounded more like an accusation than a mere statement. Although there were still remains of sadness, he could tell that she was mostly frustrated at that moment.

"As a matter of fact, I do. I've been shadowing you too long, I know you."

"Castle…" She groaned with exasperation. "This is unbelievable. Four years. It took me four years to get to this point. And you're the one backing off when I finally am here" She took two steps forward. "I love you, idiot!3".

Castle closed his eyes and ran a hand through his hair. "No, you don't"

"Oh for God's sake, Castle! I love you, I really do. I love your childish self that keeps pulling my pigtails. I love how you're devoted to your family and how your face lights up when you talk about Alexis. I love how you put all your passion in your writing. I love how you make me laugh like no one else can. I love that you had made the effort to know me when I constantly kept you at arm's length… And I don't know what more I can say to make you see that"

Her words made him tingle with both pleasure and pain. He had dreamt so many times about Katherine Beckett confessing she had feelings for him… He could only fight with all he had to stop himself from doing something stupid.

"I can't say anything else for you to believe me" She repeated, closing the space between them with a final step. Castle felt his will crumbling. The situation was overwhelming. "But I can show you". She took his hand in hers, and guided it to her chest, just where her scar was placed.

"You say you still love me, you know the symptoms. Can't you feel how strong my heart beats when I'm close to you; how fast?"

Indeed, he could feel her heartbeat, strong and arrhythmic. He damn well knew the sensation; how it's even hard to breath with your heart pounding like that. But he remained silent, his hand was currently pressed between the swell of her breasts and that didn't make anything at all to help him think. He nodded slightly.

She took his other hand guided this one to her cheek.

"Can't you feel how warm my skin is under your influence?"

He couldn't help but nod again, because it was true.

With her palms still pressed against the back of his hands, she laced her fingers with his. Rising on her tiptoes, she pressed a kiss on his left cheek, the right one, the tip of his nose, and then, finally on his lips.

He was melting by her gentle touch. She had separated her hand from her neck and placed it on his hair, running her hands slowly against it and grabbing a fistful to gain more leverage and kiss him again. This time it lingered there a couple of seconds more. Pressing her flush against the length of his body, she placed her head on the crook of his neck, caressing him, leaving a trail of light kisses on her way up his jaw. She rested her head on his shoulder and took advantage of his perplexity to untangle her hand from his on her chest, surrounding his waist with her arms.

"Don't give up on me, please" She said in a low voice.

He grabbed her by the waist and slightly pushed her away to look at her eyes.

Her hazel-greenish eyes were deep and sincere. Her pupils were dilated, another proof oh her veracity.

Pulling her closer so their foreheads were together, he talked:

"Kate, I'm so scared" He admitted.

She brushed her nose with his, and whispered her answer.

"Me too, but we will make it work"

She sealed the promise by, once again, closing the space between them, and kissing him with all that she had; pouring in that kiss what she wasn't able to express with words.

* * *

**Thoughts? **


	17. Chapter 17

_Pulling her closer so their foreheads were together, he talked:_

_"Kate, I'm so scared" He admitted. _

_She brushed her nose with his, and whispered her answer._

_"Me too, but we will make it work"_

_She sealed the promise by, once again, closing the space between them, and kissing him with all that she had; pouring in that kiss what she wasn't able to express with words._

* * *

Their make out session got intense, heated; and without even noticing they were moving towards Castle's bedroom. He heard her incoherently mumbling in between kisses, her breathing was raged and he was hardly aware that she was unbuttoning her shirt until it wasn't there and he touched the camisole she was wearing underneath.

He was lost in the kiss, in the soft contours of her mouth and tongue; so warm, so inviting… The whole situation was almost too much for him to deal with; how she had forced her way back in, letting down all her walls, baring her mind and soul just for him to see.

The fear that she could leave him was still there, but now it only seemed natural. It would be reckless and stupid of him to take her for granted. He felt honored, privileged to have her in his arms at that moment; and if the things she had said or the way she was clinging to him were any clue, she felt the same way about him.

Even though, he felt the need to take things slow; they weren't on the same page on this. Her lips were insistent on his, her hands roaming all over his body and she was aiming to take rid of the rest of her clothes; in contrast, he was trying to savor the moment, his kisses were slower and deeper and he was making his best effort to not push her against the nearest surface; he wanted to cherish her, take his time, and she was making it very difficult.

He knew that they weren't going to regret anything happening that night, but it just felt wrong to let their first time together to be on the spur of the moment.

"Kate" He managed to say while her tongue was occupied with the skin on his neck. "Kate, wait". Pushing her apart for a moment, she looked at him with confusion. He swallowed hard, trying to maintain his arousal in check. She was on his arms, merely a few millimeters from him, looking all disheveled and messy from their kisses.

"We can't do this" He stated, and her confusion turned into fear. He sensed her struggle to get out of his embrace and then realized that she might have misunderstood what he was trying to say. "No, no, no. I don't- We can, and believe me, we will. I want it so much." He pushed her against him once again so she could feel exactly how much he wanted it. The proof of his desire throbbing against her lower abdomen, and he heard her whimper.

"Then what is it?" Kate asked, breathily, though it sounded more like a whine.

"I want us to take our time. I want it to be special, we are special" He whispered while brushing his nose across the line of her jaw.

"Oh. Okay" She seemed surprised at first but quickly understood his point of view. This was huge for them.

He grinned and pressed a sweet kiss on her lips before taking her hand in his and guiding her to the bed. Encircling her with his arms he posed his hand flat on her back and pushed her so she was laying there. Hovering over her kissed her again, chastely. And then he was back on his feet.

"Where are you going?" She said, reaching out with her arm to stop him.

"Bathroom. I'll be back in no time, love." He kissed the back of her palm and made his way to the door on the left grinning like an idiot.

* * *

Normally she would grimace at the endearment, but when she heard Castle calling her 'love' she got a warm feeling on her chest. It could only feel right with him… She smiled widely.

She watched him disappear behind the bathroom door and relaxed on the mattress. She was sick happy. Obviously, she had had some expectations on her way to the Hamptons, but never ever imagined that the events could turn out like they had. While she was not sure exactly of what they were, she was certain that they were together now, headed to the same place. Things would be much clearer in the morning, she thought.

Closing her eyes for a moment, she realized that she was exhausted. She barely slept the day before and had arrived at the precinct at an inhuman hour; she worked all day, then there was Hannah, and the two hours trip to the Hamptons, all the tension and emotions with Castle…

She wanted nothing more than being with him, consummate their newly claimed love, but she felt her body betraying him… Her eyes stayed closed and she felt herself drifting to sleep in the comfortable king-sized bed that smelled like the man that had her heart.

* * *

Castle spent almost 10 minutes in the bathroom. Truth to be said, he was incredibly nervous. The last time he had been intimate with a woman had been like a year ago, with Gina…

He loved Kate so much, and she told him she loved him too... He just wanted it to be good for her.

He freshened up a little and breathed deeply to relax.

It would be good.

There wasn't a single thing in which they weren't in sync.

Once he recovered some of his confidence he returned to the bedroom, only to find that the marvelous Katherine Beckett had fallen asleep by the foot of his bed; her feet hanging off the edge of the mattress. He couldn't help but stare at her for a while. Hell, he had been staring at her since he met her, but it was the first time she was sleeping. She seemed so peaceful, so at ease. He observed her relaxed factions and melted a little by her beauty. Knowing what she felt towards him only increased his feelings. He felt so lucky.

He was still wearing his pj's and shirt, but Kate had come straight from work and her high-heeled boots and slacks sure weren't the most comfortable thing to sleep in. Before thinking it too much, he decided to take the risk.

Carefully, he approached her and unzipped her boots, taking them off. Her slacks were more difficult to peel off, but somehow he managed to do it without waking her up. He had to take a couple of minutes then, watching her bare long legs and the blue lingerie underneath was simply too much for him; but he knew how hard it was for her to sleep, and the tenderness he felt knowing that she was resting, and that it was on his bed was enough to soothe the lust.

He scooted her up until her head rested on the pillows and covered her with the sheets. He slipped on his side of the bed, thinking that she would prefer some space, although he wanted nothing more than to get closer and cuddle with her.

He contented himself with watching her until sleep caught him too.

* * *

She woke up with the sound of her ringtone somewhere far from her and vaguely remembered that she left her purse on the kitchen. It was when she tried to move that she acknowledged a warm arm low on her back. Well, really low. It was on her ass.

Opening her eyes, Kate took in the situation. She must've moved during the night and, not only was on Castle's side of bed, but partly on top of him too. Her head was resting on his shoulder, her right hand over his chest and her right leg was curled above him. Her bare right leg… Where were her pants? She was still wearing her shirt but she didn't remove the rest of her clothes… Oh. She remembered now.

She had fallen asleep last night while he was in the bathroom. He must have removed her slacks for her to be comfy. It didn't bother her, she felt kind of guilty for falling asleep on him, but it was sweet that he had thought of her comfort when she didn't.

It was so Castle to act like that. Bringing her food when she had forgotten to fed herself, persuading her to go home when he knew he needed to sleep… He was so attentive and sweet that she found herself mooning over him until the sound of her phone startled her again. She wasn't on call today, but it was the second time it rang and it had to be important, she thought.

She tried to get up and Castle's hand on her left cheek tightened, effectively pushing her against his body again.

She nuzzled his neck and kissed him there. "Castle, I have to get my phone"

His head was facing the opposite direction, but he shivered at her touch and turned to face her with his eyes still not completely opened.

"Don't leave" He mumbled sleepily. She smiled at him; he was adorable when he pouted.

"I won't, I just need my phone" She ran a hand through his rumpled hair and leaned in to kiss him lightly on the lips, just because she could.

"'Kay…" He let go then and she sprinted to the kitchen once she was out of his embrace.

Two missed calls from Lanie and she has just received a text. "_Girl, why don't you answer your damned phone? Javi told me that Hannah stopped by yesterday and you disappeared right after. Are you OK?" _

She texted her reply: "_I'm OK, Lanie. Call you later. Promise"_

Her stomach growled and she chuckled; deciding that she would make breakfast for the two of them before returning to bed.

* * *

Fifteen minutes later she put down a tray with waffles, chocolate syrup, coffee and orange juice in Castle's bedside table.

She sat on the bed and Castle must've been awoken by the sound, his eyes opened and he sat up, lying against the headboard, and rubbed his eyes with his knuckles. He was adorable, this man-child.

"Kate?" He asked while staring at her, almost doubting if he was truly awake.

"Were you expecting someone else?" She replied, teasingly.

"You're here!" He looked at the tray and then at her again. "And you made me breakfast?" His eyes were sparkling as a kid at Christmas.

She felt a punch in the gut seeing how happy he seemed with her presence; as if he thought she would leave. She did this by always running, always keeping him at arms-length.

It was painful, thinking how much she had hurt him.

But she was here now, and he was here too. Still with his sparkling eyes and his radiant smile adorning his sleepy face.

Oh, and expecting her to say something.

Yeah, breakfast. To hell with breakfast, things had to be reassured.

She leaned in and kissed him, nibbling at his lower lip until he welcomed her tongue. She was sprawled against his chest, sitting awkwardly on his lap, and he caressed her back.

Pulling back she looked at his eyes.

"Yes, Castle, I made you breakfast. And I plan on doing it with frequency from now on. How's that sound?" Kate grinned broadly, with the smile she used only for him.

"Perfect" He answered, and kissed her again. "It sounds perfect". He stopped the kiss and simply hugged her, hold her there. "You're perfect, Kate, I love you".

And each word turned her insides out with such strength that she almost couldn't reply.

"I love you too. I'm so glad we're finally here, Rick" She used his given name deliberately to make the moment more intimate. She longed intimacy with him; of all kinds. Suddenly she was being lifted from the bed and standing on the floor, just to be lifted again and swiveling in his arms while he bear-hugged her, almost making her unable to breath. She couldn't stop laughing.

She was happy.

He pushed her back on the bed, but he didn't join her.

"Would you think less of me if I do happy dance right now?" He joked and she laughed again.

"I won't if you strip of your clothes in the meantime" She gave him her best 'I want you in this very moment' stare; and almost lost her determination when she saw him gaping like a fish. But it was true; she wanted him out of his clothes. She wanted her in her clothes. No, no clothes, she wanted to feel his naked skin against hers for the first time.

"Kate…" He said, and his voice was raspy, and his eyes full of desire. If she weren't already aroused she surely would be by the way her name fall off his lips and the way he was looking at her. "Are you sure?"

"Utterly. Come here." She wanted to hop out of bed and kiss him senseless, but was giving him a chance to catch on with her mood. She had never loved someone so much that it physically hurt not to be touching him; that the need to feel him inside her, being part of her. He clouded her mind and had her heart, but had yet to take it to another dimension.

"Breakfast." His voice was strained now.

"Breakfast? Forget about breakfast, Castle, come to bed". He groaned when she finished, but still didn't move from where he was, a few steps away from her laying form on the bed.

"Kate, I swear to God that if you don't eat now, you won't be able to do it anytime soon, or if you'll have the strength to do it." They were talking about food, but it seemed like Castle thought that she was the only thing edible in the room.

"Are you all talk?"


End file.
